Ephesians 4:25 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, SPEAK TRUTH EACH ONE of you WITH HIS NEIGHBOR, for we are members of one another. 26 BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and do not give the devil an opportunity. 28 He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need. 29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. 30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Therefore… This is a pivotal part of this letter. After setting us up with unfathomable promises and the urgent urging to guard the oneness of the body of Christ and to build it up, Paul now gives us 11 imperatives in 8 verses. Until now Paul hasn’t given us any! He says we are one body, one family, we are serving and building up and speaking truth to one another in love. Caring committed relationships. We see the body of Christ caring for one another. Building up one another. Edification. But things go sideways. We get dysfunction in the body. Edification Dysfunction. Spiritual E.D. So now Paul gets into specifics…
[25] Speak truth - having laid aside the lie —> we are members of one another.
Paul just said every person who believes in Christ is a new creation [24]. Other-worldly, different from the rest of the world because God Himself has remade us to be like Him. Like Him. UNlike the nations, who are walking in darkness, living lives which are rather devoid of truth.
-And this is precisely where our path diverges from the world. We lay aside the lie, and speak truth. Honesty in all our relationships, in all our dealings, especially with one another. Because this helps the Body of Christ grow. This probably seems pretty basic to us in the US. Steeped in a Judeo-Christian ethic. We learn from childhood that honesty is the best policy. It's ingrained in our culture. Honesty is assumed (unless you're dealing with a crook or a politician - which of course can sometimes be the same thing), and dishonesty has consequences. Usually. Not so with the nations. Go someplace where the Gospel has not permeated the culture, and you will find that dishonesty is actually somewhat the norm. The lie reigns supreme, and corruption is rampant. People simply don't default to being truthful with one another - they cheat, they cut corners, they take bribes, they deal dishonestly whenever it suits them. And this pervasive dishonesty of course flies in the face of community because you can’t trust your neighbor. THIS is where the church is to shine like a city on a hill. Honesty. Doing what is right. Open and honest relationships. Honesty builds trust. But among the heathen nations, people just don't live and relate to one another like this. Paul says, we did not learn Christ in this way (of dishonesty, a la the nations). We are part of a Body which must trust and depend on one another. A circle of trust. This of course is esp important when persecution ramps up. In many places the authorities try to infiltrate Christian assemblies with spies. Informers. Who can you trust? We as God’s family come together for the sake of a greater cause, the Great Commission, for the sake and honor of our King, this One Who called us out of darkness and into His light, His truth. Truth. Come what may, may our lives be marked by this, in all our dealings.
[26] Deal with your anger. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity. Anger: strong feelings of annoyance or displeasure or even hostility which can easily erupt in hurtful words and actions. This is another challenge to oneness and growth of the Body. Unlike the lie, there is a place for anger. We give no quarter to falsehood, but the emotion of anger is actually allowed a place in both the lives of believers and in their local assembly. In a broken world among broken people, stuff happens (or doesn’t), and sometimes it can make us angry. People have warts, they carry around a lot of junk, and the closer we get to them in community, the more their junk is likely to rub us wrong. God Himself - Who does not lie - gets angry. The problem is not the feelings per se. It is the sources of the anger and then what we do with the anger that makes all the difference.
So what we’re told here is, do not sin when you are angry. Sin is about what I want, as opposed to what God wants. So I first require enough self-control to be able to step back and discern how much self is wrapped up in my anger. Am I concerned more about what God wants, about His honor and reputation? Or am I more concerned about me, about how I may have been injured or otherwise inconvenienced in this situation? Is this about me? Personal preferences? The more I find that this is about me, the more restraint I must show in my response. And I may find that I just need to let it go - that is mercy. Which happens to be the same way that the Lord has dealt with us, over and over. He is slow to anger. If (when) a brother or sister makes me angry, I need to be careful not to respond in a way that injures them or the Body. That’s what the world does - the natural response. The world lashes out. The world gets even. The world makes my brother pay for what he did. The world loses it and comes apart over offenses and warts. Division. Not so with God’s people. We come together and we hang in there, we build up in love and never tear down, thru thick and thin, warts and all, even when things aren’t right or the way we like or how we think they should be. And no, that’s not natural - it’s supernatural. Out-of-this-world. Unfathomable. Uncommonly good. And exactly what the world is dying for the bride of Christ to be.
Now part of this coming together, this hanging-in-there in community depends on me doing something with my anger, something healthy and constructive and which shows off the goodness of God. We’re not talking about simply ignoring an offense or a situation which isn’t right. Nor are we stuffing our anger. We’re dealing with it, not necessarily right away but sooner rather than later - we’re communicating directly yet gently with the responsible parties in order to try to rectify the situation. We can talk about how this situation made us feel. Face to face, or on the phone. Not via email. Please Lord not by text. We can lovingly speak truth to the other person(s) involved. And we’re taking care to not be talking about the situation with other parties (gossip), unless of course they need to somehow become part of the solution. And then we’re letting our anger and the offense go (true mercy doesn’t depend on an apology). We cannot control the situation or their response, but we can and must control ours. By the power of the Spirit. We guard the oneness. We love one another with God’s everlasting love. There is no escape clause. We are family, and leaving is not an option. Not what God intends, at least.
And yes, deal with our anger before sundown (i.e. as soon as we realistically can), before the enemy has a chance to inflict some damage on the body. Diabolos. He is the enemy (Satan means adversary in Hebrew). This lying, falsely-accusing, slandering, gossiping one, the enemy of God, of our souls - he comes to destroy, to tear down what is good, what God has built. Imagine what would happen if ISIS were somehow able to set up a military base of operations in the area where you live. Who in their right mind would allow such a thing if they could prevent it? Exactly. That is precisely what Paul is talking about here. Do not give the enemy a base of operations in your life or in the life of your assembly. In other words, we must maintain a military level of vigilance in how we deal with our anger, as well as how we speak truth in love to one another. Diabolos is the father of lies, the crafty master deceiver who was a deceiver from the beginning. He takes dead aim at the oneness of the Body - God's new plan for reaching the world - and will do whatever he can to destroy it. He loves to create distance and doubt and distrust by falsely accusing others in my mind, tempting me to not believe the best about fellow believers, esp those in authority. Bitterness, unforgiveness, vain imaginations - he will slander others in my mind and wreak havoc in relationships however he is allowed. So while falsehood and selfish anger (my anger) persist, that gives space to diabolos, an open invitation for the enemy to move out and come in and destroy all that God is building in my assembly. But love. God’s unfathomable love conquers all. Love bears and believes all things. It believes the best. Love casts out fear - and anger, and bitterness, and resentment, and unforgiveness. We must embrace humility and love AND one another and wade into and move beyond our hurts and perceived slights and disagreements. We must do whatever it takes to come together and build up the body and guard our oneness. Because if we let the diabolos keep us apart, for whatever reason, then he has gained a tiny victory. And it was entirely preventable.
[28] Don’t be stealing, Be toiling, working what is good -
Lying. stealing. These are the default settings for a world adrift without God. Take what is not yours, don’t work if you don’t have to, beg, cheat, lie, steal. Take by force or stealth that for which somebody else toiled. What is yours is mine.
Each of us we emerge from the womb with an acute, well-developed sense of ‘mine!’ - so innate is this unfortunately that most of us require patient instruction from an early age in the nuances of sharing and that what is yours is not mine. Unchecked, this trait can easily blossom into a callous disregard for both my fellow man and for honest work. I will readily cut corners and do what I can to avoid having to work, up to and including reaching out and taking things for which I have not worked, even when they belong to someone else, all the moreso if I become convinced that my theft (and laziness) will go undetected or unpunished. Burglar alarms, security cameras, locks, compounds - all these are measures developed to deter those who would take what belongs to someone else, stuff for which they themselves did not work.
But don’t miss the reason cited for working... to have something to share - with those in need. I work for me AND you. Unfathomable. The exact opposite of how the unbelieving world rolls. Yes, sharing is a heavenly transaction, and it flips the equation on its head. What is mine is yours. Here is where the early church shone, blazing like the midday Texas sun. There was not one needy person among them. Not one. They shared all things. All things - that’s what Acts says. One person’s excess was for another’s lack. And yet this was no welfare state. Each and every member was expected to work, and contribute as they were able. I work as hard as I can - yes to take care of and provide for my family, but beyond that NOT so that I can build bigger barns, accumulate more and bigger and cooler stuff, but so that I can share. What if the body of Christ really did this? Do you think the world might take notice and say, ‘look how they truly love one another’?
[29] No rotten words, only good words towards building up of the need —> give grace AND do not be grieving the Holy Spirit...
No rotten words. No, not any, not one. Only good words which build up, words which give grace. Rotten is what happens to fruit and to fish, not fit for public consumption. We would never serve it to our family much less to guests - so why would I ever serve them even one single rotten word? These may not actually offend even the most refined super-sniffers among us, but they still reek of putrescence. They sink down in our souls, full of foul nastiness.
Building up the body, right? The body building itself up in love, right? But our rotten words - these have the exact opposite effect. They wound. They tear down. They discourage. We lash out without regard for how our words injure our brother, our sister, our loved one, this precious soul for whom Christ died. We speak what’s on our mind and give expression to our feelings with little or no regard for the feelings of others, because in the end it’s all about me.
What does it look like to give grace, i.e. with our words? We’re talking about undeserved favor. It’s not about what someone has earned from us. Rather, we build people up with our words. Through the gift of a kind word (or through a harsh one withheld). Thank you. Good job. You are special. I’m proud of you. I appreciate you. Surely too many of us are coping with spiritual ED (Edification Dysfunction), rarely hearing words of affirmation and appreciation, and (sadly) rarely giving them either. But we can do this. We must do this - the bride of Christ and eternity are in the balance.
How can it be, a mere mortal like me can cause pain in the heart of almighty God, that I could somehow sadden His Spirit? The root in the Greek refers to pain of body or mind, but it usually describes the emotion which accompanies hardship or loss or disappointment. And this is what we do to God’s heart when we do not guard the oneness, whenever we let fly our words of rottenness and withhold words of kindness and grace. Our words can make our Dad really sad.
And who would ever want to knowingly do that to a loving father? Think about it, from the time we first put one unsteady foot in front of another, we aim to be the apple of our daddy’s eye, we long to feel his pleasure, to make him happy and to feel his pride bursting on account of us. Under normal healthy circumstances it would immediately arrest any of us to learn that we did even one thing to break our father’s heart, to cause him pain and grief. v 31 is how we do that…
Put away ALL bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, malice. Let it be taken up and away...
Bitterness. When I'm bitter, the other person is all bad. They can do no good, and I want nothing to do with them. From me they get the heisman - an emotional and social stiff-arm which puts meaningful sharing and serving together out of the picture. Let God take it away.
Wrath and anger - This is forbidden when rooted in self, steeped in bitterness and boiling over in ill-will towards my brother. Wrath here is self anger which boils up suddenly and soon subsides. Both of these involve some sort of punishment, getting even. Let these go too.
Clamor - This is angry shouting. No more shouting in anger. I must let the Lord take that far away from me. Shouting in anger usually means I have lost all patience and any semblance of self-control, no longer full of peace and gentleness, no longer controlled by God’s Spirit. Now I’m tearing down instead of building up. Let the Lord take this far away.
Blasphemy - This would be speaking negatively against another person, either to their face or behind their back. Normally we think of blasphemy as being words against God, but in fact the world blasphemes one another all the time. Slander. Gossip. Criticism. Remember, it’s not that we can’t or shouldn’t deliver constructive criticism to others, but when we do, all our truthing is to be done in love (and to their face). We need the Lord to give us a heart that moves towards others, especially those in our family, for their good.
[32] Be coming to be kind, well-compassioned, forgiving to each other. Just as God in Christ has forgiven you...
Kindness. Generous, considerate - precisely how the Lord relates to us. Kindness means something useful and yes, kindness leads to repentance, more effectively than harshness and getting even, producing a more lasting and grateful life change. And therein lies the key for Paul - we are to show our fellow believers the exact same kind of kindness and mercy and patience and understanding and leniency and forgiveness that God super-abundantly overflows to us each and every day.
Well-compassioned, or tender-hearted means that my heart stays soft and gentle in all my relationships. Ready to share and meet needs. Sadly my fleshy propensity is to do just the opposite. Especially as I get closer to others in community, people WILL bruise me or do something I don’t like or disagree with, or I don’t like their warts or they are just plain different. And what is the fleshy respone? I shut them out. I keep up my guard and close my heart, I harden it towards my brother, and the end result? Meaningful sharing and serving fly right out the window. There is no oneness even to guard, much less to leverage for the sake of glorious Gospel advance.
-The prescription for healing and preserving relationships? It starts where God began with us in Christ - with forgiveness. Letting go. We let go of the things we hold against our brother or sister. We let them go as far as the east is from the west. We no longer hold them in account against our brother. Just. Exactly. Like. God. Did. With. Us. The complete and permanent forgiveness we find in Christ is the starting point within the assembly of His followers. Forgiveness (and charity - love, sharing, building up) between believers is grounded in the deep-seated understanding that I have been forgiven an infinite debt, vast beyond all measure, unfathomable, and I am hereby expected to extend forgiveness to others, seventy-times-seven. I let the wounds and the warts go, and when(ever) those undertake to surface once again, I let them go again. And again. And again. It is not at all about what I might require of the other person - it is all about what God requires of me. And that, for my own benefit - holding on and not letting go not only falls short of the glory and grace of God, it poisons my spirit to the core. And the body. Keep in mind as well, if I find that I cannot forgive the one who has sinned against me, it could very well be an indication that I have not truly been forgiven by the Lord. Forgiveness naturally exudes from the one who has been forgiven by God. He has set the bar high. But His Spirit lives in us. We can do this, through Christ. He is the Cure for spiritual E.D. We can come together to love one another and build one another up. Let’s do this.
