Ephesians 6.5-9 - “Spiritual Spatial D and True Verticality”

Eph. 6:5   Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ; 6 not by way of eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart. 7 With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men, 8 knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free. 9 And masters, do the same things to them, and give up threatening, knowing that both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him.

[true verticality - what’s the highest/tallest thing you’ve seen up close?]

It might be easy to dismiss this passage because we live in America.  The land of the free.  From sea to shining sea.  Slavery doesn’t exist anymore.  At least not in the traditional sense.  But there’s a different kind of slavery running amok in this land of the pilgrim’s pride, where my fathers died.  The common assumption is that freedom means that I basically should get to do what I want.  When I want.  And with whom.  That’s straight out of oxford:

free·dom

/ˈfrēdəm/

noun

1. the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.
   

Let freedom ring.  Sometimes we’ll go ahead and put an asterisk on that: *As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else, right?  But freedom is one of our worship words.  Pretty much I can do whatever I want.  I get to choose.  Because I am the captain of my ship.  Master of my domain.  Me, master.  Me tarzan.  We do get this kind of de-evolution if left unchecked, where I become less human and more animal.  So given to giving in to what I want, I grow up to be - a slave.  Almost like an animal.  A creature of baser instincts, crawling from one craving to the next, mistakenly assuming that doing what I want is the key to the pursuit of happiness.  Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness - that’s what we’re all about, aren’t we?  As long as we don’t hurt anyone else.  And that, as long as you agree with me… But I am a slave - to vainly trying to fill the gaping God-shaped hole in my heart, what Pascal called the infinite abyss.  

Here we find one of the pitfalls of freedom.  Freedom can lead to a different kind of slavery.  The empowering of an insatiable master, this unexpected almost undetectable subjugation to the tyranny of self.  We can be almost unaware of its pull on us.  Yes there are tremendous upsides to freedom.  So much good has gone forth under this banner of liberté.  And yet… the more choices I have, the more I have to choose, the stronger the pull of self…

Another pitfall is that we have this loss of verticality.  All men are created equal, right?  We are dedicated to this proposition, and yet in throwing off the absolute despotism of the king, we’ve sort of torpedoed our ability to appreciate true verticality.  Freedom can impair our capacity for vertical orientation.  Aviators call this Spatial D.

Sometimes you’re flying along, and the clouds set in.  Or the sun goes down.  And it can be hard to know which way is up and which way is down.  You can become disoriented.  Not only can you not see which direction you are going, but you can’t see even the horizon.  You can’t see the ground.  Sort of like driving in total fog, or at night w no headlights.  Only far more dangerous.  And your internal sense of gravity can get shifted.  You can be flying at an angle - or upside down - and not even know it.  You can easily get off course - or worse.  It’s called spatial disorientation, or spatial D - and it can be deadly.  Pilots invariably encounter various visual impairments, and so they learn something called IFR.  Instrument flying.  As opposed to VFR.  Visual flying.  In IFR you don’t rely on what you see (or think you see); you rely on instruments to give you accurate information.  Six main ones actually - called the [Sixpack].  But here’s something interesting - according to the FAA, you can get spatial D even on a clear day.  Up to 90 percent of orientation is provided by visual cues, and the eye can play tricks.  That’s why pilots learn to use this Sixpack of instruments - it gives reliable data if/when visibility is limited, or in the event you do lose your orientation.  Spatial D.

This here [Bible] is our Sixpack, not for flying but for living.  It helps us when spiritual Spatial D sets in - which it does.  As Christians we rely on God’s Word.  It’s our heading indicator, tells us which way we’re going.  Our turn coordinator, are deviating off the path?  Our airspeed indicator, what kind of forward progress are we making?  As much as anything I think, it’s our altitude indicator - shows our true elevation in relation to God and to those around us.  True verticality.  There is a God, almighty Maker of heaven and Maker of earth.  And I am not He. 

Psalm 14:1-2    

The fool has said in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, they have committed abominable deeds; There is no one who does good.  The LORD has looked down from heaven upon the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, who seek after God.

[true verticality examples - burg khalifa and angel falls, kolner dom]

And so there’s this balance, this counter balance if your will.  Yes, all men and women are created equal, and that’s especially true in Christ, in the family of God, where we find this unfathomable equality which really does level the playing field, where in Christ and through Him we are all ranking ourselves under one another - because He is greater.  And there’s the counter balance.  Whatever we do, in whatever relationship or circumstance I find myself, there is this vertical orientation that informs everything.  Paul repeats it over and over and over in this last section on relationships.  As to Christ.  Slaves of Christ.  What God wants.  As to the Lord.  From the Lord.  Master in heaven.  A real capital M Master in heaven - and that’s the key.

Master.  Usually the word is translated as Lord.  Americans, we don’t use either word much in our daily lives.  I think as Americans we really have next to no clue as to what the word really means. [d’Lord - why do you call Me Lord…?] The root means authority.  The one with the authority/power of deciding.  Calling the shots.  And we like for that to be me.  Most of us.  Usually we like to be in the drivers seat.  Some of us, we prefer not to drive - the passenger seat - or even the back seat - but even then we can become backseat drivers.  We like to have the remote.  The remote control.  We like to be in control.  Self-determination.  It’s the American dream.  The New Colossus!  Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be what?  Free.  It has beckoned the oppressed of the world for generations.  They can come to our sea-washed sunset gates, through the golden door - and finally have the remote.  The land of opportunity - to call their own shots… The authority to decide - and become all about self.  But there IS this other path…

I’d like to suggest that the journey of the cross carries us away from these pitfalls of freedom.  He who would come after Me must do what?  DENY himself.  Life ultimately is not all about what I want, getting what I want, doing/speaking/thinking whatever I want.  THAT path is death to the soul.  He who would save his life will what?  Life is about learning and living into the truth that I have a Master in heaven.  That’s the counter balance to freedom.  Yes, it is a tremendous privilege to live in a country where we do have so much access to resources and opportunities.  But the end of an unbalanced pursuit of what I want is unbridled selfishness.  And isn’t that what we see in our country?  Not everywhere certainly, not everyone.  But even with the asterisk, pursuing what I want will never fill the hole in my heart.  Not unless/until my wants merge with those of my Master, the King of heaven.  Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done.  What do YOU want, Lord?  HE is the One Who made me, Who made me for Himself.  That’s what Paul is continuing to talk about here.  He brought it up back in 5.17 - understand what the Lord wants.  Let your wants flow together and merge with His.

And now Paul is specifically talking to slaves, and I imagine that our perception of a slave would be to see ourselves as NOT getting to do what we want.  As a slave, I don’t get to choose.  The master chooses.  The master decides.  I do what HE wants.  Which means I NEVER get to choose, so I’m unhappy.  Or am I?  Paul is saying, no.  No, no, no.  The key to happiness is not getting to choose what I want.  Figure out what God wants.  Live in to that.  And if you happen to find yourself in a place where you are required to rank yourself under another person, even and especially one who for all intents and purposes is an equal (maybe they’re even flawed - they likely are) - DON'T disrespect them.  Don’t just go thru the motions.  Don’t roll your eyes at them in arrogance.  Respect their decision.  Respect them.  Do whatever it is you are being asked to do with all your heart.  With all your might.  Fear and trembling, Paul says.  As. To. The. Lord.  He is our ultimate Master.  That situation you're in is He in charge of that?

Slaves.  These are willing slaves, btw.  They had a choice - but they actually chose to give up the remote.  But now they’re in a relationship where someone else has the power of decision.  Children are in the same boat.  As well as women/wives - Paul is looking at prime examples of the truly powerless.  Vulnerable.  And the Lord here is saying, hey, those of you who are powerless - trust the Lord.  Trust Me.  Look to Me.  I’m the one in charge.  In fact, I’ve put you there for a season for a reason.  I’m gonna work things out.  Serve Me.  But He’s also saying, hey, you there, the one with the power of decision over others, the one with the remote.  I put you there as well, for a reason, for a purpose.  You are just a steward… You think you have power?  You think you have authority?  That’s My power.  I only loaned it to you.  For a season.  Don’t abuse your position.  Don’t abuse the people I’ve given to you.  You think you are better than them?  Remember who I am.  Look up, and get your spiritual orientation back.  Next to Me, you are no better than anyone else.  So take care and take good care of them.

And here’s the thing - it’s maybe not as hard to follow (or lead) those who are NOT flawed.  People mess up, and we think we are better than them.  We get spatial D.  It’s not as hard to follow Jesus (altho it is still admittedly hard - but for different reasons?).  But what about those flawed persons who are in positions of authority over you?  What about when they mess up?  What if they actually hurt you in some way?  Is it possible that the Lord’s plan for you may have included some hurt, some woundedness that would be something which only He could heal?

Someone in power - maybe a boss, a leader, maybe a dad/parent - they treated you unfairly.  They did something or said something that made you angry.  Maybe a lot of things.  And it hurt.  I do think the Lord allows us to hurt sometimes so that we can learn (or re-learn) that He is our Healer.  Christ our Healer.  I mean, isn’t that exactly what He allowed to happen to His own Son on the cross?

Hagar was being mistreated by her mistress, Sarah.  Sarah was barren and told Hagar to bear a child on behalf of the family.  But when Hagar got pregnant Sarah became resentful - and mean, prompting Hagar to run away in order to get away from the unreasonable authority.  Out in the wilderness - what does God tell her?  He heard her.  And He saw her.  He saw her situation.  And He was going to use it, use her faithfulness [Gen 16].  The Lord does see you.  El Roi, Hagar calls Him - The God Who sees.  Whatever you and I are going thru.  He sees us.  He hears us.  He is with us.  And He is going to use it.  He has wonderful plans for us. 

We like this side of El Roi.  The God Who sees us when we’re in trouble, Who comes to our rescue.  But we maybe don’t like the other side of El Roi so much.  The One Who see us when we’re going through the motions, slacking off, abusing our freedom, misusing His blessings.  The One Who sees us when nobody’s looking, when we think we can get away with something.  The One Who is the Real Master.

C.S. Lewis puts it this way, “As democracy becomes more complete in the outer world and opportunities for reverence are successively removed, the refreshment, the cleansing, and invigorating returns to inequality, which the Church offers us, become more and more necessary.”

You and I need regular opportunities for reverence.  To look up and get reoriented in our hearts.  To be reminded that God is greater.  He is in control.  To be reminded that when we submit to human authority, we are submitting to Jesus.  And again, the way we follow (and lead) reveals the true condition of our heart.  The extent of our submission to Christ - or lack thereof.  As to Christ.  Slaves of Christ.  Who have a Master in heaven… 

Don’t you know Who made everything?  Haven’t you heard about Him?  Hasn’t it been told to you from the beginning?  Haven’t you understood it ever since the earth was made? God sits on His throne high above the earth.  Its people look like grasshoppers to Him.  He spreads the heavens out like a cover.  He sets it up like a tent to live in.  He takes the power of princes away from them.  He reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.  Isaiah 40:21-23

Is. 40:25-31    

“So who will you compare me to?  Who is equal to me?” says the Holy One.  Look up toward the sky.  Who created everything you see?  Family of Jacob, why do you say, “The LORD doesn’t notice our condition”?  Don’t you know who made everything?  Haven’t you heard about him?  The LORD is the God who lives forever.  He created everything on earth.  He won’t become worn out or get tired.  No one will ever know how great his understanding is. He gives strength to those who are tired.  He gives power to those who are weak… those who trust in the LORD will receive new strength.  They will fly as high as eagles. They will run and not get tired. They will walk and not grow weak. 

Ephesians 6.1-4 - “Kids included…”

Eph. 6:1   Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.  4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

We’ve been journeying through Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, looking at some of the unfathomable ways that God has blessed His people with every spiritual blessing in Christ.  The second half of the letter is all about how God’s blessing, His power, plays out horizontally, in our relationships.  In the family of God we call the church, and in our own homes.  

Last time we talked specifically about marriage.  And this is a unique relationship, wrapped in mystery, because in a mysterious unfathomable way, God has designed marriage to provide the world with a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church.  Look at how this famous section on the relationship between a husband and wife focuses so much on the Christ and His church:

23 - Christ is the Head of the church

23 - Christ gave Himself up for the church

23 - He's the Savior of the body (church)

24 - The church is subject to Christ

25 - Christ loved the church

25 - Christ gave Himself up for the church

26 - In order that Christ should sanctify the church

26 - Christ has cleansed the church

27 - In order that Christ might present the church in all her glory

27 - In order that the church should be holy and blameless

29 - Just as Christ nourishes and cherishes the church

32 - With reference to Christ and the church

In Christian marriage husbands lay down their lives for their wives because it gives the world a glimpse of what Christ did for His bride, the church.  Wives rank themselves under their husbands not because women are inferior, not because husbands deserve it but because doing so gives the world a picture of how the church relates to Christ.  Neither role depends on how much our spouse deserves it.  Some/much of the time your spouse won’t deserve it.

And I think the ultimate question in play here is, can we trust the Lord, is He powerful enough and sovereign enough to work out His plan in our lives even through flawed leaders?  Flawed kings (and presidents)?  Flawed husbands, and wives?  We’re all flawed.  Can God work through flawed people?  Can He work through flawed leaders (and followers) - and can He use them in your life, and in mine?  Sometimes God places incredible gifts within deeply flawed packages.  But is God bigger than your situation?  Is He in control?  Is He big enough to work out His plan in your life through a flawed person?  IS it possible that He gave you that person to accomplish some unfathomable purpose in your life? 

Proverbs 21:1  The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever He wishes.

Daniel 2.21  It is He who changes the times and the epochs; He removes kings and establishes kings…

Do you believe this?  The way we follow reveals the true condition of our heart.  That’s not saying we stay in a dangerous situation, or do anything contrary to God’s Word.  That’s not saying there aren’t consequences for unrighteous behavior.  That’s not saying we don’t point out injustice and defend the defenseless.  But our fallen anti-instinct is me-first.  We need to be on the lookout for how that manifests itself in our following…  Sometimes we can’t see why He has put this person in our life.  When we can’t see God’s hand, trust His heart…

Today we look at more ways that God’s sovereignty and goodness and the power of His Spirit can and should transform our lives and our relationships and the world.  [read Eph 6.1-4]  Children.  Parents.  Fathers.  Next week, slaves & masters.  Full of opportunities to follow.  But so we journey through this life in the boat of relationships.  We were made for this.  And in Christ, we are remade for this.

Paul is gonna keep it in the family in today’s passage.  Remember, in the beginning, God made a family.  “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.”  And God’s family is comprised of family-blessing families.  “I will make you a great nation (huge family - sons, granddaughters, and so forth), and I will bless you, and in you all the families of the earth will be blessed.”

How is it that this master plan to fruitfully fill the earth and to bless all the families of the earth is carried out?  Families.  Children.  The baton of reproduction - and of spiritual reproduction - needs to be passed on to the next generation.  And they need to pick it up.  Children need to grab up that baton, which means that somebody’s got to teach them how.  Who’s job is that?  Mom and dad.  Male and female He created them.  Be fruitful and multiply, He said.  Yes, the village can and should help, but God designed it to start with dad and mom…

Paul is actually addressing children in this section.  This word is used of younger children.  Those who would still be living under their parents roof, under their parents authority.  Scripture rarely does this, singling out children.  But Paul includes them here.  He pays attention to them.  They were in the room, wherever this letter was being read.  They were at the table.  No separate kids table in this gathering!  This is a Family.  Family worship.  Multi-generational.  No, it’s not as neat and tidy and slick.  Family can be a bit messy.  It requires some forbearance (and maybe a sponge… some windex).  But isn’t that good for our souls?  At HF we don’t have the budget or the volunteer base to maintain a separate ministry for all our kids during the main service, but if we did, would we even want to?  Including our children helps them understand that they are a part of this enterprise too.

Children.  Let’s think about this for a moment - what role do children have in the Bible?  For starters, it's the core thread of the Bible itself - A virgin will be with child - Immanuel.  God with us.  A child will be born to us - Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God.  The almighty King of the universe chose to enter our world as a child.  Salvation came to our world as a child.  Let that sink in for a moment.  The Creator took the form of the creature, not merely as a man, but as a child.  God was a baby.  God was an infant.  God was a toddler.  God was a preschooler.  God was a child.  Remarkably - yet not surprisingly, even as a child He understood He had to be about His Father’s business.

Children are included.  Kids are included in this family.  They’re included in God’s Word to the Ephesians, and they’re included in God’s plan for the nations.  Of course each of us has different seasons and different callings when it comes to children, but we need to understand God’s heart for children.  We forget what it’s like to be a child.  We grow up and forget how to play.  [A great exercise for remembering that every kid's love language is play - it was ours too at one time - is to read Calvin & Hobbes...]  As adults most of us we struggle to play.  We can also struggle to trust.  We struggle to forgive.  But don't children tend to naturally trust?  They tend to be naturally ready to forgive.  As grownups we develop these attitudes about life AND about children.  Safe to say, "out of sight out of mind" isn’t God’s idea of what is best for children.  God’s heart is inclined towards children.  Let the children come to Me, Jesus said.  Whoever receives a child in My Name receives Me.  Come to Me and trust in Me - like a child.

Matthew 18:1-4  At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.  Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

Luke 18:15-17  One day some parents brought their little children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But when the disciples saw this, they scolded the parents for bothering him.Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.”

Who’s the greatest?  The disciples didn’t get it.  It’s not me-first.  God levels the playing field. In God’s family,  we’re building up one another and laying our lives down for one another - including the children.  Humility is the currency of heaven.  It is proper perspective of self - in relation to God.  He is so infinitely higher, so disproportionally greater, as to completely level the field.  No one is better than anyone else in God’s economy.  In God’s family.  We are all just spiritual beggars looking for bread.  And we share what we have with the entire family.  With those who may be physically weaker.  Or slower.  Or less educated.  God’s heart is for such as these - for children.  And for all those who are more vulnerable.  Become like children, He says.  [5.1] - Be imitators of God - like beloved children.

But so, speaking TO children, Paul says, children be obeying your parents.  What muddies the water is that for all their wonderful qualities, children have a lot to learn AND their anti-instinct is to disobey.  We come out of the womb wired to disobey [Calvin of course illustrates this perfectly].  We bow up.  Nobody needs to teach us to disobey - in fact, God's commands show us we fall short and His lifelong heart reclamation project for each of us is to teach us to obey - to obey Him.  To choose what He wants over what we want.  

Phase one of this great reclamation project is that He gives us parents.  Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  The root of the Greek word children here means to give birth.  We’re talking about offspring.  Parents then are those whom the Lord has sovereignly given to you and me to raise us in the instruction of the Lord.  God gave us our parents for a reason.  For a season.  Sadly, what happens is that on top of our anti-instinct to disobey, as we enter adolescence, we also begin to disrespect.  We begin to question authority.  Our parents authority.  Proverbs 1.8-9 My son, listen to your father’s advice.  Don’t turn away from your mother’s teaching.  What they teach you will be like a beautiful crown on your head.  It will be like a chain to decorate your neck.

Unlike the others Paul is addressing in this passage (wives/husbands/slaves), children here actually have a unique opportunity to follow in the footsteps of Jesus.  Jesus was never married, or a slave - but he was a child in the home of Joseph and Mary.  And even though He knew that He was the very Son of God, He subjected Himself to these earthly parents.

Luke 2:51 And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them; and His mother treasured all these things in her heart.

At some point, when He reached adulthood, Jesus came out from under their direct authority.  But even then He continued to honor His parents.  What was the last item of business Jesus took care of before He died?  He took care of His mom.

John 19.26 When Jesus then saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He *said to His mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then He *said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” From that hour the disciple took her into his own household.

Children, be obeying your parents.  There is a promise here - that it may go well with you - and that promise is still active!  Watch out for a heart that wants to get out from under their authority prematurely.  Watch out for a heart that would dishonor them.  And the beautiful thing is that yes, the Lord can and does create spiritual parent-child relationships during the course of our lives.  He gave Timothy and Paul to one another.  The Lord brings others into our lives who help us to follow Jesus.  Be as children we need to rank ourselves under our parents.  Even if/when they’re flawed… 

Now, dads, he says, do not provoke your children to anger.  Most commentators say moms are included, but Paul specifically says dads.  What makes kids angry?  Obviously they want to get their own way - but that’s not what Paul is thinking about here.  Children are very flexible, resilient, very forgiving.  Consider this.  What is it that fosters kids who grow up to be angry adults?  There are A LOT of angry people in our world today - like the Dude Perfect Rage monster!  Road rage.  Anyone who works retail or customer service has experienced it.  Where is all this anger coming from?  There's one huge source: Daddy wounds.  Dads.  Sons of Adam.  Silent.  Passive.  Or absent.  Too busy.  Or too wounded ourselves to be able to engage with our kids.  Shut down.  Or angry.  Abusive.  Sometimes, dads, we ride our kids too hard.  And when we mess up, maybe we burned some bridges, we’re too ready to reject responsibility.  It’s not my fault.  I’m not gonna apologize.

Children want and need time w their dad.  With our heart.  With our time.  Nourish them, Paul says.  It’s a really unfortunate translation - “Bring them up”.  It’s the same word in 5.29 - “no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.”  Dads nourish their kids.  We feed their souls in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.  Train them.  Warn them.  Correct them in love when necessary, yes - but find the balance.  Don’t wear them out.  And make sure that they know you care, that you love them.  Tell them that.  Demonstrate it.  My own dad showed us this constantly as he pretty much did almost everything around the house after my parents divorced and all us kids lived with him.

Dads - according to this, you & I are responsible for helping our children learn about the Lord.  We don’t leave this up to the church.  To the so-called paid professionals (or volunteers).  And yeah, it is difficult to lead others to places where we haven’t been ourselves.  Might need to get up earlier, dad.  We might need to get ourselves home.  Or get out of that chair.  I don’t think our kids need more time with some screen or some stranger.  They need us.  Dads, we need to learn how to say, I love you.  Dads we need to learn how to say, I’m sorry.  And more than anything dads need to help their kids learn about Jesus.  Moms too.  Take the initiative in the power of the Holy Spirit and leave the results up to God.

It’s not too late, dads.  Never too late to humble ourselves before the Lord, to admit we can’t do this.  That I DON’T got this.  To admit if (when) we mess up.  That apart from Jesus, we can’t do this.  And yes, it might require some humility.  Eating some humble pie from time to time.  It might mean asking for help.  Which we hate to do - I get it.  We hate asking for help.  We hate asking for directions.  I got this.  Never too late to apologize and ask for forgiveness.  Never too late to man up and take responsibility, to trust the Lord to help you nourish your kids and help them learn about Jesus.  Never too late to trust the Lord to rebuild a bridge.  Never.  And if you need help, don’t be afraid to ask…

Ephesians 5.21-33 - “Oxpeckers to the rescue!”

Ephesians 5:22-33   

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.  So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.  FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.  Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Tick live off their hosts, but give nothing in return.  Except a disease.  These are considered parasites.  Oxpeckers also live off their hosts - but they actually benefit their hosts at the same time.  This is called mutualism.

So we took a couple of weeks to look at the verse which slides right into this next section.  Be subjecting yourselves to one another.  This is an outflow of the filling of the Holy Spirit.  Be ranking yourselves under one another.  In the fear of Christ.  All y’all.  A level playing field.  Not because of who or what we are, but because of Who He is.  There ARE positions of human authority, but nobody is better than anyone else.  No matter your education or ethnicity or economics.  Or gender.  And we talked about the need for trust.  And humility.  And surrender.  Ultimately to the Lord.  But in ranking ourselves under one another we are giving life-authority to each other, permission to speak into our lives, into our choices.  Truthing in love.

And if we're honest, we admit that we don’t always like to do that.  It’s hard on the ego.  It takes work.  People are messy.  Plus we are the progeny of rebels.  But God’s plan for the nations begins with a family, a family-blessing family - the church, a bunch of mutually-subjected rebelholics - and this family is comprised of families.  BACK in the beginning, God CREATED a family.  Male and female He CREATED them, joined them together, one flesh, life-partners, perfectly paired for one another, a partnership.  Be fruitful and multiply.  Subdue the earth.  Bless the nations.  And these families (some of them at least) come together in God's family to bring this promise of blessing to fruition.

There are many segments of our society which bow up against the idea of God as Creator.  Questioning His authority. Questioning His Word. Did God really say that? Distorting the truth.

2Timothy 3:15 …from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. 16 All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; 17 so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.

2Peter 3:15 and regard the patience of our Lord as salvation; just as also our beloved brother Paul, according to the wisdom given him, wrote to you, 16 as also in all his letters, speaking in them of these things, in which are some things hard to understand, which the untaught and unstable distort, as they do also the rest of the Scriptures, to their own destruction.

Matthew 5:18 “For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the Law until all is accomplished.”

God has been speaking to the sons and daughters of Adam for millenia.  And He has something to say to us today.  The passage we’re about to look at today has something to say to us today.  There are those who choke on what Paul is saying here - I think many times they’re not open or patient enough to take a deeper look.  There are others who will simply ignore the passage.  Teach around it.  But I think this passage is a critical part of what the Lord was trying to say to this 1st century assembly - and it is so for us too.  Today, there is an ongoing struggle to understand and represent and carry out God’s plan for marriage, this God-ordained God-designed relationship which forms the foundation for the family-blessing families which are to carry God’s goodness and the Good News of Christ, to all the families of the earth.  God’s inspired Word gives us a blueprint - and when we take the time to try and understand it, I think we find that it is not quite so repressive and victorian as the skeptics would make it seem.  And we find an unfathomable… [now is a good time to read the passage if you haven't already...]

What do you notice?  10 times Paul specifically refers to the relationship between Christ and the church.  His church.  His bride.  And the deeper truth Paul is telling us here is that there is a mystery in play in marriage.  An unfathomable mystery.  In God’s divine design, marriage between a man and a woman gives the world a glimpse of a heavenly reality.  Marriage gives the world a glimpse of the relationship between Christ and His church.  Or should.  

Remember God’s commands which protect and provide for us also show us where we fall short.  Some of our (anti)instincts.  Last week we took a look back at the garden - we saw that the wife wanted her own way.  She wanted to run out in front of her husband.  And the consequences were devastating.  In marriage, woman’s (anti)instinct is to dominate.  

The husband - what was he doing?  Nothing.  We see him being passive, silent.  It’s a perfectly devastating pairing.  Then when he finally speaks, he is rejecting responsibility.  Shedding it like a bad coat.  Not only is he NOT protecting his woman from the serpent, from the inevitable deadly consequences of transgression, when it comes time to pay the piper he throws his wife under the bus!  In marriage, man’s (anti)instinct is to save himself.  Even at the expense of others.  Irresponsible.  He might even be an abuser.  “He will rule over you…”

So, understanding these (anti)instincts, Paul now devotes three verses to the woman, and eight to the man.  And I would suggest, v 21 is prerequisite.  If you don’t mind I’d like to skip forward to the longer portion, and then come back.  I’d like to look at what Paul is saying to the husbands first.  Genesis 2.23  The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman [ishshah], because she was taken out of Man [ish].”

This is a close and intimate relationship that Adam could not find apart from one who shared his own station and nature.  Shared his own life.  Which she did, of course, because she was made not out of the dust like Adam but directly from the stuff of Adam himself.  It reflect’s God’s desire to provide man with a companion who would be his lifelong intellectual and physical (and spiritual) counterpart.

So, husbands: be loving your wives.  Constantly.  God’s perfectly prepared partner for you.  As Christ loved the church.  Men get a present tense command (and it's mentioned FOUR TIMES in this section…) - so keep on doing it, keep on doing it, constantly, keep on loving your wives, every day.  Give yourself up for her, as Christ loved the church and gave up Himself for her.  Which is aorist tense, a simple completed action in the past.  What did He do?  To which simple act is Paul referring?  Jesus died.  He took the nails. 

So, men - take the nails.  Take the bullet.  Stop the buck.  Be her rescuer every day, just like Jesus.  Don’t throw her under the bus - grab her out of the path of the bus - and if needed you get run over.  Or maybe you carry her onto the bus.  Not because she can’t walk - she is perfectly capable.  [1Peter 3:7   “…show (your wife) honor as a co-heir of the grace of life…”].  You are not showing her need for you.  Husbands demonstrate Christ’s provision for us.  Our need for Christ.  The love of Christ.  You are giving the world - and your wife - a picture of Jesus.

Sadly, I think many of us men, we sort of pull out the stops when we’re dating, and get our bride to the altar where we say “I do”, and then we sort of don’t.  We begin to slack off on laying down our lives.  We sort of fall into this cultural rut that turns our life partner into something little better than a servant.  But marriage begins with Christ.  And what did He do?  He emptied Himself.  He laid aside His rights, His wants, and stepped out of the comfy confines of His glorious abode and came down to this stinky smelly broken planet - to serve, to give Himself up and lay down His life for His bride.  He took the nails.  The nails which were headed in our direction - He said, uh uh.  Not today.  Not ever.  I got this.

Nourish and cherish.  Nourish and cherish.  Just as Christ does the church.  How does Christ do that actually?  How does He feel about His bride, would you say?  What does He do for His bride?  He wants for His bride to be presented in all her glory.  Having no spot or wrinkle.  Holy and blameless.  What does that look like, Adam?  Let’s be less like ticks and more like oxpeckers.  Husband - what will it look like for you to take the nails for your wife today?  This week?  This year?  What will it look like for you to step up and lay down your life for your wife this year?

And then we see Paul saying, wives, humbly rank yourself under your husbands.  As to the Lord.  This is not saying that your husband is not better than you.  God does not love him any more than you.  But in this amazing God-ordained partnership, you defer to your husband.  Wives, be subjecting yourselves to your husbands.  Be respecting them.  Be ranking yourselves under them.  As to the Lord.  We are all subjecting ourselves to Christ first and to one another in fear of Christ, but Paul is telling the wives to specifically do this in relation to their husbands.  Don’t dominate, don't run out in front of them.  And be assured that you are in no way showing your inferiority to any man.  Wives demonstrate the superiority and trustworthiness of Christ.

Submit and respect.  I know that is not ‘PC’, not what women want to hear.  Even some men.  Respect your husbands, God says.  I know, that man maybe doesn’t deserve respect.  Guess what - that’s not even the word in the Greek.  The bar is higher.  The word is phobeo.  Where we get our English word, phobia.  97x this verb appears in the NT, and always, every single time it is rendered fear, afraid, terrified, frighten.  Every single instance but one - this verse, where the translators decided they needed to translate phobeo as ‘respect’.  Linguists actually do create a second meaning for this verb, rendering it as to revere, venerate, treat with utmost deference and reverential obedience.  Which is precisely how people are to relate to the God of heaven.  Now I relate to a real God or king or master with real fear not merely because I am "supposed to" or because they deserve it but also because they can take me out.  There is real fear in that mix.  I may be convinced of their love for me, that they care about me and would never intentionally do anything to harm or unjustly punish me, thus I have the whole love-casting-out-fear thing, but the fact remains that by virtue of their position and/or power, they do instill fear in me at a certain level.  And yet here, in this one instance, we have translators (unnecessarily) carving out a diluted lower level of reverence for how wives should relate to their husbands.  Mere respect.  A feeling of admiration.  Regard for the man’s feelings or wishes.  Realizing that they are important and should be treated in an appropriate way.  But that is not quite the same as fear or reverence.  Even the word ‘revere’ comes from the latin and is an intensified form of ‘to fear’.  This dumbing down of this word by modern translators, is this a nod to modern-day cultural pressure?  Is it because wives find it hard to fear/reverence their husbands, or perhaps they somehow don’t have to anymore?  Because I don’t see a separate dumbed-down level for how husbands should love their wives.  Yes, it is impossible (humanly-speaking), but that in no way lowers the bar.  

Obviously the fear in this case does not derive from any position of supreme power or ownership of the man over the woman.  The fear and reverence in this case is ultimately of the Lord Himself.  As to the Lord.  It derives from the opportunity given to the woman to display how the church relates to Christ.  It is not at all about the man or what he does or whether or not he has earned the right to be deeply and fearfully respected.  Wives, you must consider well how to relate to your husband with reverence, with fear, as to Christ…!  But let’s be honest, if your man is taking the nails and bullets for you, if he is loving you and laying down his life for you, for your progress in holiness, how difficult is it going to be to relate to him out of reverence for Christ?  v.21 is key!

And let's keep in mind that, for all of us, male and female, our (anti)instinct is me-first.  We are more like ticks than oxpeckers.  What’s in it for me?  We should be able to rank ourselves under the one who lays down their life for us, shouldn’t we?  We should be able to trust them.  Entrust our well-being to them, trusting that they have our best interests at heart?  And do they always?  Jesus does, yes, but He is perfect, isn’t He?  What about on the earthly level?  When Paul and Peter tell us to be subjecting ourselves to the king (or boss or parent or husband or each other), is there an asterisk behind that command?  Is there an escape clause which says we get some leeway when the person isn’t perfect?  Let’s be honest, we all struggle even to surrender and give the Lord the authority in our lives, and He is the perfect Savior.  He laid down His life for us, He took the nails, and we still have trouble giving Him the authority He deserves in our life.  In marriage - as in life - we subject (wives) and lay down our lives (husbands) because it gives the world a picture of the reality of Christ - AND because it is good for our hearts.

Our society says, throw off the despot!  There’s been a long train of abuses and usurpations! Pursuit of happiness!  Really?  Now I don’t think we stay in a home that’s dangerous - but is there hope for your marriage?  Is anything too difficult for the Lord?  I’m afraid what we have, however, in too many a home is a broken vicious cycle of un-selfless tired husbands saving themselves, being un-reverenced and disrespected and domineered by their wives.  So he sacrifices less and less and she respects less and less and the cycle continues unbroken, marriages breaking apart on the rocky shores of Cape Self.  That's where the problem begins, when you bring two imperfect instinctively-tick-ish people into such close proximity to one another.  Plus, on top of that, life is just hard.  There are no guarantees.  Wealth is certainly no guarantee.  For-better-or-worse can (and eventually does) take a turn for the worse.  Poorer can easily replace richer.  Sickness invariably replaces health.  And the world says, just pull the plug.  But church, the stakes are high, as high as the heavens above, and the world is dying for a glimpse of something (and Someone) better.  Take a good long hard look at how you fit (or don't) into these verses, and then take a better longer harder look at Jesus and ask Him, beg Him, trust Him to transform your marriage, to transform YOU, the way you live and relate to the spouse HE GAVE YOU (or perhaps will give you!), into a clearer picture of His design for how Biblical marriage between a man and a woman should show off the glorious relationship between Him and His bride, the Church.  And you better be willing to ask for help…

1Corinthians 11:11-12 

However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God.

Practical question: How is that we can build and strengthen these relationships…?  How can we forge marriages that increasingly show off the relationship of Christ with His bride?

A few ideas as we close... First and foremost, walk in the power of the Holy Spirit.  Cuz this stuff is impossible without His divine enabling.  Keep common interests.  Do things together, NOT just with the kids.  And NOT just in front of the tv.  Go out together.  Have a meal together.  Serve together.  Jump into a small group together.  Pray together.  Keep short accounts and long fuses, and be ready to apologize AND forgive.  Get off that device.  Go to bed at the same time.

All things are through Him.  And all things are for Him.  To show off how truly breathtaking He is.  Make it so, Lord Jesus