Colossians 3:19 - Love looking like death

"The men, you all be always loving the women and do not go on being embittered towards them."

-So what does love look like?  Death.  Death to self.  Death to me-first, me-better.  death to what I want.  Death on behalf of another.  Sacrifice.  Coming to serve, not to be served.  Laying down my rights and my life and my all.  I move towards the other to meet their needs.  I take the bullet.  I go down with the ship.  Constant, persevering, faithful - unto death.  It looks like Jesus (cf Ephesians 4.25).

-And what is this bitterness thing?  Where does it come from?  Elsewhere the word describes a foul taste (in one instance bitter water is actually deadly).  Some say that Paul is here telling husbands to not be harsh with their wives, but the verb tense is passive.  It is something that happens TO the husbands.  I think Paul is talking about a foul taste that husbands can get towards their wives, where they could become bitter and resentful and develop this distaste for their wives over the months and years of living together.  Maybe the wife is one who nags incessantly or complains a lot, like a constantly dripping faucet - increasingly exasperating (cf Proverbs 27.15, 21.19).  Maybe she disrespects or humiliates him in public or even just privately - talk about making a man’s heart bitter (Proverbs 12.4).  Maybe the house or the kids or the meals aren’t the way the man wants or expects them to be (far less sympathy for this one).  Maybe age creep begins to rob the wife of her youthful beauty - which could indeed be an issue for men who are typically more aroused by sight.  Maybe in part due to his own neglect she wanders into unfaithfulness and the man finds himself married to (or divorced from) a Gomer (cf Hosea 1.2-3).  Nevertheless, Solomon describes the wife as a spring, a beautiful, pure, precious, rare and refreshing source of water in the desert, one which must be guarded and kept clean and treasured above all else (cf Proverbs 5.15-18, Song 4.12, 4.15).  Indeed, her worth is far above jewels (Proverbs 31.10).  No man ever neglects his treasure.  Not ever.  No, he cherishes it, polishes it, protects it, puts it and keeps it in a special place in his home and in his heart.  But what makes the bride a royal beauty (or rather what preserves her as such against the encroach of bitterness as well as the onslaught of brokenness in its many forms) does not depend on the woman herself.  It is not about who she is, it is about how the husband cherishes her.  This is how it has always been in the ways of God.  He betrothed Himself to a bride who had no beauty or reputation whatsoever and who proved constantly unfaithful, and yet His love and tender mercy never waned.  Christ for His part has chosen a bride whose beauty similarly depends entirely on the fact of His choosing to make her His treasure.  My responsibility, or rather opportunity, is not to wait for my wife to be (or do something) beautiful (i.e. for me).  No, mine is simply to treasure her.  Any husband can begin today to cherish and treasure his wife like he did before they were married, think about her, protect her, go out of his way for her and lay down his life for her.  To love her with Christ’s love, of which the supply is inexhaustible.  This does not and should not ever depend on anything she has or has not done.  Let go of the bitterness, let the Lord take it far from you.  It is not about you.  It is not about getting your needs met.  It is about giving a glimpse to your bride - as well as to your children and to the whole world - of the infinite, incomprehensible and everlastingly faithful love of God.  Husbands, love your wives today.

Colossians 3:18 - Marriage unbroken and beautiful - part 1

"The women, you all be subjecting to the men, just as it was fitting in [the] Lord." 

-One of the more despised and misused and misunderstood verses in the entire Bible, this.  And part of the challenge in understanding this verse is that our perspective is entirely warped by the Fall.  While fully half the human race - an entire gender - carries the scars of its misapplication, all men and women have been living under a curse since that time, unable to fully rise to the level of experiencing marriage as God intended.  Things have been muddied still further by generations of ungodly examples and abuses and subsequent guilt and over-compensation, both on a familial and a societal level.

-Remember that we are talking about the new self, the life that is in Christ and IS Christ, life as it was originally designed, life as it was always meant to be before it was broken.  In the beginning woman was taken out of man and given to man to be a perfect helper and companion.  There was a partnership, and it was beautiful.  There was oneness - they were one flesh.  best friends.  There was honesty and intimacy and open communication, there was encouragement and shared responsibility.  There was kindness and mercy and patience and respect.  Healthy give and take.  There was love, sacrificial selfless love, and humility.  And all of this has been marred in the aftermath of the curse, which specifically states, ‘your desire will be to control your husband, and he will rule over you’ (Genesis 3.16).

-And so now there is no longer this capacity to love without limit, this beautiful dance of give and take.  It is take and take.  And take some more.  And this desire to get my own way, to get even, to get what I want when I want and to be in control, wounding each other and walking in unforgiveness.  And thus we see best friends for life, a man and a woman divinely designed and designated as perfect life partners, become enemies, hurting and hiding and ultimately hating each other.  All too often.

-But we are also talking about life IN Christ, this One Who is fully God and co-equal with the Father and yet Who voluntarily emptied Himself, lowered Himself, subjected Himself to the Father (which included subjection to His earthly parents - cf Luke 2.51) and Who obeyed to the point of death (at the hands of sinners).  This Submitted One is now the Head of the Church, which is His bride.  We must remember that marriage is designed to give a picture of this relationship between Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5.31-32), and so we are talking about a situation where two people who are co-equal in God’s eyes, joint heirs with Christ (Romans 8.17) who are normally living in mutual submission to one another (Ephesians 3.21), fully empowered and encouraged to serve (Galatians 5.13) and admonish (Colossians 3.16) and build up (1Thessalonians 5.11) each another, spurring each other on towards love and good deeds (Hebrews 10.24) - these two both are called to voluntarily assume roles within the ordinance of Christian marriage which will reflect this divine hierarchy but will at least in some respects run counter to both their flesh and their culture.

-We must also understand the nature of this subjection.  We are considering a hierarchy of relationships, ostensibly between those who are fully on equal standing in God’s eyes but who occupy God-ordained positions in specific relationships (i.e. ruler/subject, master/slave, parent/child, husband/wife).  One party has been appointed to stop the buck and ultimately call the ball, and the other is called to follow that lead and respond accordingly.  God has set this up.  If you or I object to the arrangement we need to take it up with Him.  But the way we voluntarily embrace whatever station in life God has assigned to us reflects our heart of submission towards Him (or not).  We do well to remember that God has put us where we are for a reason, and there is an order to His design.  Both the fact of my submission to whoever God has placed in authority over me, and the attitude I display as I submit to them have the potential to show off my awareness that God is the One Who is really in charge, and He is my Boss.  I am ultimately serving Him.  And so my subjection is not even based on what the person is like or on how they are doing in their God-ordained position (cf 1Peter 3.1).  It is from God, and to Him.

-But what we see in play at the Fall was that the woman took the lead, she initiated, she was in charge.  And she is now cursed to want to be in control as it relates to man.  This is certainly understandable - most people prefer to have the remote anyway.  The man, however, said and did nothing.  He was passive, and he was silent.  To this legacy we see him additionally cursed towards despotism, ruling his household (if and when he chooses to do so) with a fist of iron, like an oppressive dictator.  So we have the man either abdicating leadership or exercising authority badly (to say the least).  Either way we have a fertile seedbed for confusion and conflict - the battle lines have been drawn.

-So when paul now exhorts the woman who has entered into Christian marriage to be submitting to her husband, he is asking her to do the exact opposite of what her flesh and experience and our culture tell her to do.  But it happens to be the very thing that Christ Himself has already modeled and which the Church as His bride is similarly called to do.  The woman is most like Christ and best shows a picture of God’s design when she voluntarily submits herself to this man who is in all other respects her equal in Christ.  We’re not saying that women do not have the ability to lead or permission to be in charge in other contexts, nor that the man does not also have his own set of responsibilities (next verse), nor are we saying that this will be easy or play out perfectly all the time in every situation.  We are talking about what is fitting in the Lord, the way God designed it, what shows off His goodness in and through our lives and relationships (cf Titus 2.5).  And to be clear, the manner in which she subjects herself is just as significant (1Peter 3.1-5) - pure, respectful, gentle - God sees this, He is watching.  And so are the kids and the neighbors and the rest of the unbelieving world.  What a tremendous opportunity...

Colossians 3:17 - How does He look?

"...and whatever you may be doing in word or in work, all in [the] name of [the] Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God [the] Father through Him."

-This verse channels Paul’s exhortation from 1Corinthians 10.31 to do whatever we do to the glory of God.  In this case, all and everything we say and do as Christ-followers not only must be worthy of being associated with His name BUT ALSO must somehow contribute to the furthering of His cause and reknown.

-Remember as well what Paul has been pointing out about Jesus this whole letter.  He is not just some pretty decent dude.  He is LORD.  He is Almighty Creator God.  He is holy and glorous and He is King of the universe.  He is the One with Whom we have to do.  We answer to Him.  But again since He loves us and we love Him back we are not merely under obligation to obey Him but we want to do all and everything we can to please Him and to enhance His reputation among our neighbors and the nations.

-Think about the words that you say.  Think about the things that you do, the work that you do.  Can they all readily be associated with the name of Jesus?  How do I make Him look when I do what I do?  What's more, how do you think they make Him feel?

-And is there gratitude in all and everything we say and do?  Paul exhorts God's people to thankfulness for the third time in three verses.  Once again, this is the frosting on the cake, the common thread that takes it all to the level it where we really show off how good we believe God really is.  Not only are grateful people easier to be around, they also show quite clearly that they have come to believe that god is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.  When we have an attitude of gratitude in all that we do, when our lives are constantly overflowing with gratefulness to God for all ways He demonstrates His goodness to us, even when times are hard, we not only give witness to the watching world that God really is good, but we also strengthen and spur on our fellow believers to stick together and keep pressing on unto love and good deeds.

Colossians 3:16 - Feasting and celebrating! Or not so much...

"The Word of Christ let it be dwelling in you richly, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another, with psalms hymns [and] songs spiritual in grace singing in your hearts to God..." 

-Let a wealth of the Word of Christ (remember that the Word IS Christ) take up residence in your life, in both your mind and your heart.  What does this look like, and how is it going to happen?  Well, I’ll tell you one thing, it’s not going to happen by merely listening to one 30-minute sermon once a week.  It’s not going to happen with a hurried glance at a few verses before work or bed.  But what could happen is that every member of an assembly is so steeped in the Word that EVERY member is positioned to teach and admonish one another, not just the pastors or the elders or so-called paid professionals.  What could happen is that I spend enough time in God’s Word that I get a really good taste of how sweet it is (Psalm 19.10, 119.103) and how it fills my heart with joy and delight (Jeremiah 15.16).  I take long deep drafts of this milk and honey and I feast on this spiritual steak.  It’s no longer a little dab’ll do ya, a tiny morsel here and there or nibbling on someone else’s leftovers.  I acquire an insatiable taste for God’s Word and actually get to the place where I can’t get enough of it.  I can’t wait to spend time reading and studying and meditating on it (Psalm 1.2, 119.97).  I might even choose to spend time in the Word over tv or sports or movies or food or beverage (altho surely it’s ok spending some time in the Word over a nice cup of chai tea with a spot of milk or cream!) - I might even have two ‘quiet times’ in a single day!  And I begin to get so much of this living-and-active Word that it makes me as wise as (if not wiser than) my teachers (Psalm 119.99, 119.130, Deuteronomy 4.6).  I get to the place where I really am able to wisely teach and even admonish the fellow members of my assembly.  And yes, this is something where indulgence is a really, really good thing long-term.  Of course it helps if my starting point is being convinced that this Word is actually true and inspired by God...  :)  But how is my Word-diet?  If my physical body depended on my intake of the Word of Christ, what adjective would best describe the state of my body?  Starving?  Emaciated, perhaps?  ’Like babies that were just born, you should long for the pure milk of God’s Word. It will help you grow up as believers.’ (1Peter 2.2)

-You know what people do when they experience something really good, when they have uncontainable joy and gratitude?  They sing.  Sometimes they dance.  We are talking about the natural (and unrestrained) response of people who have experienced the blessings and goodness of God.  Yes, sometiimes the fire needs to be stoked and people need to be encouraged or reminded to celebrate, but this IS celebration, and it is contagious.  And the focus is God.  We sing about Him, and we definitely sing to Him (songs in the SECOND Person).  We should find ourselves singing to the Lord in our hearts and celebrating His goodness as we go through our day, and we should certainly be celebrating God when we gather together with our assembly.  That is what Sunday morning should be, and I should be finding myself celebrating and singing in my heart at other times throughout my day and week.  If I am at the place where there is no singing in my heart, no celebration in my life, if I am at the place where I come into services late because I’ve a mind to skip the singing, I might need to take a closer look at my heart and whether I might be robbing God of some of the very celebration for which He designed and rescued me in the first place.  Even Paul and Silas beaten and chained in prison were singing.  Sunday morning (and all the other mornings afternoons and evenings) is not about me.  It’s not just about me hearing a good message or punching my spiritual time clock.  It’s about entering in to that for which I am formed in the first place: “Celebrate GOD. Sing together—everyone! All you honest hearts, raise the roof! Good people, cheer GOD! Right-living people sound best when praising. Use guitars to reinforce your Hallelujahs! Play His praise on a grand piano! Invent your own new song to Him; give Him a trumpet fanfare!” (Psalm 32.11-33.3)

(sigh) I have a long, long way to go...

Colossians 3:15 - On peace and gratitude and God's Plan A

"...And the peace of Christ let it constantly be the umpire in the hearts of you [all], unto which also you[all] were called in one body, and thankful you [all] be coming to be."

-We see love AND oneness AND peace AND lots of gratitude.  They are interconnected, inseparable.  This is what characterizes a local assembly of God’s people as well as the individual members, or at least it should. 

-One body where the peace of Christ rules, and God has called us to this.  This is God’s plan A - there is no plan B.  Note that this is not a verse focused on personal peace (as in Philippians 4.7), about individuals who are trying to make a decision and should try and find the most peaceful option, altho that could be part of what Paul is thinking.  But the context suggests Paul is talking more about corporate peacemaking (cf Matthew 5.9), the ongoing pursuit of a collective peace inaugurated by the Lord of peace Himself (Romans 5.1, Ephesians 2.14, Colossians 1.20, 2Thessalonians 3.16) within a gathered assembly of Jesus followers, gathered together to increase the knowledge and celebration of God’s breathtaking goodness both within and without, to the ends of the earth.  A local assembly is one unit, one entity, one body composed of various members, but it is designed and gathered together by God Himself (1Corinthians 12.12, 12.18, 12.24) and called to oneness, to be one (Ephesians 4.1-4).  As we read in the previous verse, the proper working of love binds an assembly together.  This oneness, which is naturally produced by God’s Spirit (Ephesians 4.3), is to be guarded and preserved by cultivating things like humility, gentleness, long-suffering, forbearance, serving one another (Romans 12.3-5).  We subject ourselves to one another and give thanks for all things (Ephesians 5.20-21).  Divisions must never be allowed to exist (1Corinthians 1.10, 12.25), and we must get rid of all anger, malice and slander (Colossians 3.8), and avoid all unwholesome speech in general (Ephesians 4.29).  We are called to build up our local assembly and our fellow body-members, not tear them down and divide from them.  We are called to forgive and reconcile and pursue peace.  And again, being called by God to this means that this is what God wants for the local assembly, this is how He designed it to be, His plan A.  There is no plan B.  

-One downside of living in a culture of many choices is that it practically encourages us to be fickle, which is fine when it comes to choosing a favorite place to eat or blue jeans, but is devastating to relationships, esp within the church and as it relates to local church bodies.  It caters to the me-first consumer, and makes it way too easy for us to take the easy way out, the path of least resistance, leaving rather than loving.  Whereas love bears all things.  Love never fails.

-Remember we are talking about the peace of Christ.  Not simply the absence of conflict or some lame treaty between warring nations (cf John 14.27).  In fact, this peace is beyond all description or compare, incomprehensible, out of this world.  This is the shalom of God, an overall well-being, contentment, completeness and wholeness and harmony, an experience of God’s breathtaking goodness in life and relationship such that all is good, and the result is a thankful heart.  Pursuing shalom in all things produces thankfulness in all things, which is totally what God wants (cf 1Thessalonians 5.18).

-In this context we are talking about the experience and manifestation of shalom in both the hearts and lives of individual members of this assembly as well as the multiplied effect of an entire assembly of people who are truly experiencing shalom in all its fullness.  They are a blessing to one another, to their neighbors, and to the nations.

-A life that thus experiences God’s bessings will naturally be filled with gratitude. - the two go hand in hand.  The word literally means, to do a good favor, and later came to mean giving of thanks, which certainly is a powerful way to bless and show God’s good favor to another person.  No doubt Paul has in mind here an assembly of people who are so filled with God’s shalom that they are overflowing in their expression of thanksgiving both towards God as the Ultimate Source as well as towards one another.  But the powerful truth is that gratitude is not only a desired outcome as an ultimate way of expressing worship towards our Creator but it is also instrumental towards producing that very thanksgiving.  Gratitude begets gratitude.  The more you express gratitude for someone or something, the more you will truly experience gratitude in relation to them and in general.  And a grateful body is a healthy body.  The gratitude is primarily directed towards God the Father (as we read in the following verses), but no doubt there is a sizeable portion of gratitude and appreciation directed towards my fellow believers.  Gratitude is positive focus on what we have, as opposed to focusing on what we want or lack.  It is appreciation, acknowledgement of benefit received.  It is tied to increased energy, optimism, and empathy.  When the enemy succeeds in supressing gratitude in our lives, he has gained a major victory.  Ungrateful hearts are prone to all kinds of negativity - grumbling, complaining, anger, unforgiveness, unkindness, discontentment, pride and arrogance, jealousy and envy.  We must make every effort to allow God’s Spirit to fill us to overflowing with His peace and to fill our hearts with thanksgiving.

Colossians 3:14 - The Vital Link

"But upon all these [put on] the love, which is [the] bond of the completeness."

-Having taken off the nasty ratty old coat of anger and lying, etc, and having put on these new clothes of kindness and humility and forbearance and mercy, finally we put on love, God’s agape love, which is the ‘greatest of these’.  Paul here calls it a bond of completion.  It is the glue which holds us all together.  It is the yeast without which the recipe ultimately falls flat.  It is the coat which completes the ensemble.  Love bears and endures ALL things and never fails (1Corinthians 13.7-8).  When we love our neighbor, we fulfill all the rest of God’s law (Romans 13.8-13).  And love within the Body of Christ not only carries out the new great command Jesus gave His disciples but it also demonstrates to the world that we are really following Him (John 13.34-35).

-Love moves toward my neighbor, in this case towards a fellow believer to give to them, to build them up, to meet their need.  Love is the absence of self.  I am not in it for me or for what i get out of it but rather to serve and bless and do what’s best for my brothers and sisters in Christ.  What if we all rolled this way?

-About the closest we can get to Paradise in this life is to find love.  Not the fleeting failing kind that is permeated with self, but rather the love which comes only from Above.  Patient, kind, self-sacrificing, forgiving, rejoicing with the truth, bearing and enduring all things.  This love truly never fails.  But you can’t manufacture it - gotta get it from the Source...! 

-Yes love here puts the finishing touch on that which maintains the oneness which the Holy Spirit is naturally forging between believers (Ephesians 4.3) and is the ultimate demonstration of the reality of His presence and work.  If i do not have love my faith is worthless.  Love is the ligament, the vital link that God designed to hold a body together when internal forces would otherwise normally pull it apart.  Muscles and bones normally pull against each other in ways that would force them apart were it not for the ligaments.  There were similar forces in Colossae and still are within every local body of Christ-followers that also conspire to pull believers apart from one another, oh so many of them (these pull apart other unions as well, marriages, teams, rock groups, etc).  Some of these things aren’t bad in and of themselves, but they can be catastrophic if not clothed with love and grace.  Busy-ness.  Selfishness.  Personality quirks and differences.  Disagreements.  Wounds and slights and offenses which go unforgiven.  Grumbling and complaining and rebellion against leadership (at which God’s people have always been way too good).  American Christians actually carry a double-whammy legacy - we are descended from rebels (doubly so in the south!), and we come from a long line of schismatics going back to the ‘Great Schism’ itself (Google it).  Paul pleads repeatedly with God’s people in their assemblies to pursue and guard oneness and avoid schisms of any kind (1Corinthians 1.10, Philippians 1.27, 2.2, Ephesians 4.2-3).  Look at how Jesus closes His upper room prayer - He prays for us - for us to be one, perfected in unity and manifesting God’s love towards one another (John 17.20-26), love that bears all things and never fails.  But again it’s not any kind of love that I can force or fake.  It’s supernatural, out-of-this-world.  But that’s why the world takes notice when and if it gets a glimpse of it.

Colossians 3:13 - Irreconcilable irreconcilable-ness

"...bearing with one another and graciously forgiving each other if any towards any may be having a complaint.  As also the Lord graciously forgave you, thus also you [all]."  

-Paul says we are to bear with one another, literally to hold ourselves towards them, present tense, constantly, consistently, ongoingly, hanging in there towards those persons and the things they are doing which otherwise irritate or offend us.  And the root of forgive here is not actually ‘to let go’ but ‘to give grace’, undeserved favor.  God’s people as forgiven people of all people should be able to freely forgive and give undeserved favor to others.  The Lord has certainly showered grace, undeserved favor, undeserved forgiveness on us, on His people.  We must do the same for our fellow Christ-followers.  People have warts and gaps.  They will make missteps and mistakes and will wound us, perhaps even intentionally.  We may actually have legitimate complaints against certain other believers.  This grace we are to extend to one another extends to actual sins as well.  Everybody messes up.  Even those who follow Christ mess up.  Yes, folks will even transgress against us.  And yet, we’re not very good at this hanging-in-there-and giving-grace thing, are we?  We get offended or irritated or exasperated and we either lash out or we leave, looking for something or someone less unpleasant, for greener pastures that don’t exist this side of heaven.  That’s certainly what the world does.  But it should not be this way for those who profess to follow Christ.  We are supposedly the people who have received amazing wonderful lavish grace.  Perhaps our deficiencies in this arena reflect an emaciated understanding of how much we’ve been forgiven in Christ.

-It is important to remember that Paul was writing to the body, the community of believers in Colossae.  So let’s be clear about where Paul and we are going with all this.  Unity (next verse).  One body (verse after).  If a family or a marriage or in this case a church, a local expression of God’s family, is to stay together and live into and live out the love of Christ which will show to all that we are truly His disciples, it is paramount that we get really good at these things and stay committed to them and to one another.  Gentleness.  Patience.  Bearing with one another.  Forgiveness/giving grace.  Leaving is not an option.  Believers in the early church with its localized one-gathering-for-a-city assemblies did not have the luxury of being able to just up and leave to find another assembly in town.  The believers in Colossae only had this one body - they HAD to work it out and work things through and stay together - that was the only option.  That was the plan, God’s design for the body of Christ, displaying unity and love and peace in the midst of diversity and even adversity.  Forgiveness.  Commitment.  Long-suffering.  That’s what God wants.  And doing what He wants, following His plan and design is always the best, the only option, and really the best (and only?) path to glory.  Disunity and separation was not an option in Paul’s day.  The existence of other local assemblies for us today unfortunately is a type of safety net that can be somewhat akin to the safety net of grace for when we rationalize sin.  Sometimes we tell ourselves that it will be ok to sin because God will forgive us.  Obviously that’s not the way He designed it.  We leave an assembly and tell ourselves that it will be ok because we can just find another one, but this is not how God designed it.  And while this is tolerated-ad-nauseum in modern Christendom (post Great Schism) and it seems oh-so-easy-to-do in the so-called Bible belt because there is a church on every corner, it is a luxury that perhaps we can ill-afford today and which for Paul no doubt would have been inconceivable.  It is irreconcilable to be irreconcilable.