-So what does love look like? Death. Death to self. Death to me-first, me-better. death to what I want. Death on behalf of another. Sacrifice. Coming to serve, not to be served. Laying down my rights and my life and my all. I move towards the other to meet their needs. I take the bullet. I go down with the ship. Constant, persevering, faithful - unto death. It looks like Jesus (cf Ephesians 4.25).
-And what is this bitterness thing? Where does it come from? Elsewhere the word describes a foul taste (in one instance bitter water is actually deadly). Some say that Paul is here telling husbands to not be harsh with their wives, but the verb tense is passive. It is something that happens TO the husbands. I think Paul is talking about a foul taste that husbands can get towards their wives, where they could become bitter and resentful and develop this distaste for their wives over the months and years of living together. Maybe the wife is one who nags incessantly or complains a lot, like a constantly dripping faucet - increasingly exasperating (cf Proverbs 27.15, 21.19). Maybe she disrespects or humiliates him in public or even just privately - talk about making a man’s heart bitter (Proverbs 12.4). Maybe the house or the kids or the meals aren’t the way the man wants or expects them to be (far less sympathy for this one). Maybe age creep begins to rob the wife of her youthful beauty - which could indeed be an issue for men who are typically more aroused by sight. Maybe in part due to his own neglect she wanders into unfaithfulness and the man finds himself married to (or divorced from) a Gomer (cf Hosea 1.2-3). Nevertheless, Solomon describes the wife as a spring, a beautiful, pure, precious, rare and refreshing source of water in the desert, one which must be guarded and kept clean and treasured above all else (cf Proverbs 5.15-18, Song 4.12, 4.15). Indeed, her worth is far above jewels (Proverbs 31.10). No man ever neglects his treasure. Not ever. No, he cherishes it, polishes it, protects it, puts it and keeps it in a special place in his home and in his heart. But what makes the bride a royal beauty (or rather what preserves her as such against the encroach of bitterness as well as the onslaught of brokenness in its many forms) does not depend on the woman herself. It is not about who she is, it is about how the husband cherishes her. This is how it has always been in the ways of God. He betrothed Himself to a bride who had no beauty or reputation whatsoever and who proved constantly unfaithful, and yet His love and tender mercy never waned. Christ for His part has chosen a bride whose beauty similarly depends entirely on the fact of His choosing to make her His treasure. My responsibility, or rather opportunity, is not to wait for my wife to be (or do something) beautiful (i.e. for me). No, mine is simply to treasure her. Any husband can begin today to cherish and treasure his wife like he did before they were married, think about her, protect her, go out of his way for her and lay down his life for her. To love her with Christ’s love, of which the supply is inexhaustible. This does not and should not ever depend on anything she has or has not done. Let go of the bitterness, let the Lord take it far from you. It is not about you. It is not about getting your needs met. It is about giving a glimpse to your bride - as well as to your children and to the whole world - of the infinite, incomprehensible and everlastingly faithful love of God. Husbands, love your wives today.
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