-Kindness. Generous, considerate, polite - precisely how the Lord relates to us (Rom 2.4, 1Pet 2.3). Yes, kindness leads to repentance, more effectively than harshness and punishment, producing a more lasting and grateful life change. And therein lies the key for Paul - we are to show our fellow believers the exact same kind of kindness and mercy and patience and understanding and leniency and forgiveness that God super-abundantly overflows to us each and every day. Kindness in the Greek actually means something useful, something manageable or pleasant - as opposed to what is harsh, hard, sharp, bitter. Someone that others will find pleasant and useful to be around.
-Tender-hearted means that my heart stays soft and gentle in all my relationships, especially within the body of Christ. Sadly my fleshy propensity is to do just the opposite. Especially as I get closer to others in community, people WILL bruise me or do something I disagree with or they don’t lead (or follow) the way I think they should or I don’t like their warts or they are just plain different. And what do I do? I shut them out. I close my heart, I harden it towards this one who is supposed to be my brother, and the end result? Meaningful sharing and serving fly right out the window. There is no oneness even to guard, much less to leverage for the sake of glorious Gospel advance.
-The prescription for healing and preserving relationships? It starts with forgiveness, a letting go. We let go of the things we hold against our brother or sister. We let them go as far as the east is from the west. We let them sink into the bottom of the ocean depths, and remember them no more. We no longer hold them in account against our brother. Just. Exactly. Like. God. Did. With. Us. (Jer 31.34). The complete and permanent forgiveness we find in Christ is the starting point among the assembly of His followers - it is our shining north star, our precedent, our benchmark. Forgiveness between believers is grounded in the deep-seated understanding that I have been forgiven an infinite debt, vast beyond all measure, completely unremittable, and I am hereby expected to extend forgiveness to others, seventy-times-seven (Mt 18.22). I let the wounds and the warts go, and when(ever) those undertake to surface once again, I let them go again. And again. And again. If we are to love our enemies and turn them the other cheek, how much more for our brothers and sisters in Christ? And at this point, it is not at all about what I might require of the other person - it is all about what God requires of me. And that, for my own benefit - holding on and not letting go not only falls short of the glory and grace of God, it poisons my spirit to the core. Keep in mind as well, if I find that I cannot forgive the one who has sinned against me, it could very well be an indication that I have not truly been forgiven by the Lord. Forgiveness naturally exudes from the one who has been forgiven by God.
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