Eph. 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH. 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
We’ve been journeying through Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, looking at some of the unfathomable ways that God has blessed His people with every spiritual blessing in Christ. The second half of the letter is all about how God’s blessing, His power, plays out horizontally, in our relationships. In the family of God we call the church, and in our own homes.
Last time we talked specifically about marriage. And this is a unique relationship, wrapped in mystery, because in a mysterious unfathomable way, God has designed marriage to provide the world with a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. Look at how this famous section on the relationship between a husband and wife focuses so much on the Christ and His church:
23 - Christ is the Head of the church
23 - Christ gave Himself up for the church
23 - He's the Savior of the body (church)
24 - The church is subject to Christ
25 - Christ loved the church
25 - Christ gave Himself up for the church
26 - In order that Christ should sanctify the church
26 - Christ has cleansed the church
27 - In order that Christ might present the church in all her glory
27 - In order that the church should be holy and blameless
29 - Just as Christ nourishes and cherishes the church
32 - With reference to Christ and the church
In Christian marriage husbands lay down their lives for their wives because it gives the world a glimpse of what Christ did for His bride, the church. Wives rank themselves under their husbands not because women are inferior, not because husbands deserve it but because doing so gives the world a picture of how the church relates to Christ. Neither role depends on how much our spouse deserves it. Some/much of the time your spouse won’t deserve it.
And I think the ultimate question in play here is, can we trust the Lord, is He powerful enough and sovereign enough to work out His plan in our lives even through flawed leaders? Flawed kings (and presidents)? Flawed husbands, and wives? We’re all flawed. Can God work through flawed people? Can He work through flawed leaders (and followers) - and can He use them in your life, and in mine? Sometimes God places incredible gifts within deeply flawed packages. But is God bigger than your situation? Is He in control? Is He big enough to work out His plan in your life through a flawed person? IS it possible that He gave you that person to accomplish some unfathomable purpose in your life?
Proverbs 21:1 The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever He wishes.
Daniel 2.21 It is He who changes the times and the epochs; He removes kings and establishes kings…
Do you believe this? The way we follow reveals the true condition of our heart. That’s not saying we stay in a dangerous situation, or do anything contrary to God’s Word. That’s not saying there aren’t consequences for unrighteous behavior. That’s not saying we don’t point out injustice and defend the defenseless. But our fallen anti-instinct is me-first. We need to be on the lookout for how that manifests itself in our following… Sometimes we can’t see why He has put this person in our life. When we can’t see God’s hand, trust His heart…
Today we look at more ways that God’s sovereignty and goodness and the power of His Spirit can and should transform our lives and our relationships and the world. [read Eph 6.1-4] Children. Parents. Fathers. Next week, slaves & masters. Full of opportunities to follow. But so we journey through this life in the boat of relationships. We were made for this. And in Christ, we are remade for this.
Paul is gonna keep it in the family in today’s passage. Remember, in the beginning, God made a family. “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.” And God’s family is comprised of family-blessing families. “I will make you a great nation (huge family - sons, granddaughters, and so forth), and I will bless you, and in you all the families of the earth will be blessed.”
How is it that this master plan to fruitfully fill the earth and to bless all the families of the earth is carried out? Families. Children. The baton of reproduction - and of spiritual reproduction - needs to be passed on to the next generation. And they need to pick it up. Children need to grab up that baton, which means that somebody’s got to teach them how. Who’s job is that? Mom and dad. Male and female He created them. Be fruitful and multiply, He said. Yes, the village can and should help, but God designed it to start with dad and mom…
Paul is actually addressing children in this section. This word is used of younger children. Those who would still be living under their parents roof, under their parents authority. Scripture rarely does this, singling out children. But Paul includes them here. He pays attention to them. They were in the room, wherever this letter was being read. They were at the table. No separate kids table in this gathering! This is a Family. Family worship. Multi-generational. No, it’s not as neat and tidy and slick. Family can be a bit messy. It requires some forbearance (and maybe a sponge… some windex). But isn’t that good for our souls? At HF we don’t have the budget or the volunteer base to maintain a separate ministry for all our kids during the main service, but if we did, would we even want to? Including our children helps them understand that they are a part of this enterprise too.
Children. Let’s think about this for a moment - what role do children have in the Bible? For starters, it's the core thread of the Bible itself - A virgin will be with child - Immanuel. God with us. A child will be born to us - Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God. The almighty King of the universe chose to enter our world as a child. Salvation came to our world as a child. Let that sink in for a moment. The Creator took the form of the creature, not merely as a man, but as a child. God was a baby. God was an infant. God was a toddler. God was a preschooler. God was a child. Remarkably - yet not surprisingly, even as a child He understood He had to be about His Father’s business.
Children are included. Kids are included in this family. They’re included in God’s Word to the Ephesians, and they’re included in God’s plan for the nations. Of course each of us has different seasons and different callings when it comes to children, but we need to understand God’s heart for children. We forget what it’s like to be a child. We grow up and forget how to play. [A great exercise for remembering that every kid's love language is play - it was ours too at one time - is to read Calvin & Hobbes...] As adults most of us we struggle to play. We can also struggle to trust. We struggle to forgive. But don't children tend to naturally trust? They tend to be naturally ready to forgive. As grownups we develop these attitudes about life AND about children. Safe to say, "out of sight out of mind" isn’t God’s idea of what is best for children. God’s heart is inclined towards children. Let the children come to Me, Jesus said. Whoever receives a child in My Name receives Me. Come to Me and trust in Me - like a child.
Matthew 18:1-4 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”
Luke 18:15-17 One day some parents brought their little children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But when the disciples saw this, they scolded the parents for bothering him.Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.”
Who’s the greatest? The disciples didn’t get it. It’s not me-first. God levels the playing field. In God’s family, we’re building up one another and laying our lives down for one another - including the children. Humility is the currency of heaven. It is proper perspective of self - in relation to God. He is so infinitely higher, so disproportionally greater, as to completely level the field. No one is better than anyone else in God’s economy. In God’s family. We are all just spiritual beggars looking for bread. And we share what we have with the entire family. With those who may be physically weaker. Or slower. Or less educated. God’s heart is for such as these - for children. And for all those who are more vulnerable. Become like children, He says. [5.1] - Be imitators of God - like beloved children.
But so, speaking TO children, Paul says, children be obeying your parents. What muddies the water is that for all their wonderful qualities, children have a lot to learn AND their anti-instinct is to disobey. We come out of the womb wired to disobey [Calvin of course illustrates this perfectly]. We bow up. Nobody needs to teach us to disobey - in fact, God's commands show us we fall short and His lifelong heart reclamation project for each of us is to teach us to obey - to obey Him. To choose what He wants over what we want.
Phase one of this great reclamation project is that He gives us parents. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. The root of the Greek word children here means to give birth. We’re talking about offspring. Parents then are those whom the Lord has sovereignly given to you and me to raise us in the instruction of the Lord. God gave us our parents for a reason. For a season. Sadly, what happens is that on top of our anti-instinct to disobey, as we enter adolescence, we also begin to disrespect. We begin to question authority. Our parents authority. Proverbs 1.8-9 My son, listen to your father’s advice. Don’t turn away from your mother’s teaching. What they teach you will be like a beautiful crown on your head. It will be like a chain to decorate your neck.
Unlike the others Paul is addressing in this passage (wives/husbands/slaves), children here actually have a unique opportunity to follow in the footsteps of Jesus. Jesus was never married, or a slave - but he was a child in the home of Joseph and Mary. And even though He knew that He was the very Son of God, He subjected Himself to these earthly parents.
Luke 2:51 And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them; and His mother treasured all these things in her heart.
At some point, when He reached adulthood, Jesus came out from under their direct authority. But even then He continued to honor His parents. What was the last item of business Jesus took care of before He died? He took care of His mom.
John 19.26 When Jesus then saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He *said to His mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then He *said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” From that hour the disciple took her into his own household.
Children, be obeying your parents. There is a promise here - that it may go well with you - and that promise is still active! Watch out for a heart that wants to get out from under their authority prematurely. Watch out for a heart that would dishonor them. And the beautiful thing is that yes, the Lord can and does create spiritual parent-child relationships during the course of our lives. He gave Timothy and Paul to one another. The Lord brings others into our lives who help us to follow Jesus. Be as children we need to rank ourselves under our parents. Even if/when they’re flawed…
Now, dads, he says, do not provoke your children to anger. Most commentators say moms are included, but Paul specifically says dads. What makes kids angry? Obviously they want to get their own way - but that’s not what Paul is thinking about here. Children are very flexible, resilient, very forgiving. Consider this. What is it that fosters kids who grow up to be angry adults? There are A LOT of angry people in our world today - like the Dude Perfect Rage monster! Road rage. Anyone who works retail or customer service has experienced it. Where is all this anger coming from? There's one huge source: Daddy wounds. Dads. Sons of Adam. Silent. Passive. Or absent. Too busy. Or too wounded ourselves to be able to engage with our kids. Shut down. Or angry. Abusive. Sometimes, dads, we ride our kids too hard. And when we mess up, maybe we burned some bridges, we’re too ready to reject responsibility. It’s not my fault. I’m not gonna apologize.
Children want and need time w their dad. With our heart. With our time. Nourish them, Paul says. It’s a really unfortunate translation - “Bring them up”. It’s the same word in 5.29 - “no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.” Dads nourish their kids. We feed their souls in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Train them. Warn them. Correct them in love when necessary, yes - but find the balance. Don’t wear them out. And make sure that they know you care, that you love them. Tell them that. Demonstrate it. My own dad showed us this constantly as he pretty much did almost everything around the house after my parents divorced and all us kids lived with him.
Dads - according to this, you & I are responsible for helping our children learn about the Lord. We don’t leave this up to the church. To the so-called paid professionals (or volunteers). And yeah, it is difficult to lead others to places where we haven’t been ourselves. Might need to get up earlier, dad. We might need to get ourselves home. Or get out of that chair. I don’t think our kids need more time with some screen or some stranger. They need us. Dads, we need to learn how to say, I love you. Dads we need to learn how to say, I’m sorry. And more than anything dads need to help their kids learn about Jesus. Moms too. Take the initiative in the power of the Holy Spirit and leave the results up to God.
It’s not too late, dads. Never too late to humble ourselves before the Lord, to admit we can’t do this. That I DON’T got this. To admit if (when) we mess up. That apart from Jesus, we can’t do this. And yes, it might require some humility. Eating some humble pie from time to time. It might mean asking for help. Which we hate to do - I get it. We hate asking for help. We hate asking for directions. I got this. Never too late to apologize and ask for forgiveness. Never too late to man up and take responsibility, to trust the Lord to help you nourish your kids and help them learn about Jesus. Never too late to trust the Lord to rebuild a bridge. Never. And if you need help, don’t be afraid to ask…
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