Ephesians 6.1-4 - “Kids included…”

Eph. 6:1   Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.  4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

We’ve been journeying through Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, looking at some of the unfathomable ways that God has blessed His people with every spiritual blessing in Christ.  The second half of the letter is all about how God’s blessing, His power, plays out horizontally, in our relationships.  In the family of God we call the church, and in our own homes.  

Last time we talked specifically about marriage.  And this is a unique relationship, wrapped in mystery, because in a mysterious unfathomable way, God has designed marriage to provide the world with a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church.  Look at how this famous section on the relationship between a husband and wife focuses so much on the Christ and His church:

23 - Christ is the Head of the church

23 - Christ gave Himself up for the church

23 - He's the Savior of the body (church)

24 - The church is subject to Christ

25 - Christ loved the church

25 - Christ gave Himself up for the church

26 - In order that Christ should sanctify the church

26 - Christ has cleansed the church

27 - In order that Christ might present the church in all her glory

27 - In order that the church should be holy and blameless

29 - Just as Christ nourishes and cherishes the church

32 - With reference to Christ and the church

In Christian marriage husbands lay down their lives for their wives because it gives the world a glimpse of what Christ did for His bride, the church.  Wives rank themselves under their husbands not because women are inferior, not because husbands deserve it but because doing so gives the world a picture of how the church relates to Christ.  Neither role depends on how much our spouse deserves it.  Some/much of the time your spouse won’t deserve it.

And I think the ultimate question in play here is, can we trust the Lord, is He powerful enough and sovereign enough to work out His plan in our lives even through flawed leaders?  Flawed kings (and presidents)?  Flawed husbands, and wives?  We’re all flawed.  Can God work through flawed people?  Can He work through flawed leaders (and followers) - and can He use them in your life, and in mine?  Sometimes God places incredible gifts within deeply flawed packages.  But is God bigger than your situation?  Is He in control?  Is He big enough to work out His plan in your life through a flawed person?  IS it possible that He gave you that person to accomplish some unfathomable purpose in your life? 

Proverbs 21:1  The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever He wishes.

Daniel 2.21  It is He who changes the times and the epochs; He removes kings and establishes kings…

Do you believe this?  The way we follow reveals the true condition of our heart.  That’s not saying we stay in a dangerous situation, or do anything contrary to God’s Word.  That’s not saying there aren’t consequences for unrighteous behavior.  That’s not saying we don’t point out injustice and defend the defenseless.  But our fallen anti-instinct is me-first.  We need to be on the lookout for how that manifests itself in our following…  Sometimes we can’t see why He has put this person in our life.  When we can’t see God’s hand, trust His heart…

Today we look at more ways that God’s sovereignty and goodness and the power of His Spirit can and should transform our lives and our relationships and the world.  [read Eph 6.1-4]  Children.  Parents.  Fathers.  Next week, slaves & masters.  Full of opportunities to follow.  But so we journey through this life in the boat of relationships.  We were made for this.  And in Christ, we are remade for this.

Paul is gonna keep it in the family in today’s passage.  Remember, in the beginning, God made a family.  “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.”  And God’s family is comprised of family-blessing families.  “I will make you a great nation (huge family - sons, granddaughters, and so forth), and I will bless you, and in you all the families of the earth will be blessed.”

How is it that this master plan to fruitfully fill the earth and to bless all the families of the earth is carried out?  Families.  Children.  The baton of reproduction - and of spiritual reproduction - needs to be passed on to the next generation.  And they need to pick it up.  Children need to grab up that baton, which means that somebody’s got to teach them how.  Who’s job is that?  Mom and dad.  Male and female He created them.  Be fruitful and multiply, He said.  Yes, the village can and should help, but God designed it to start with dad and mom…

Paul is actually addressing children in this section.  This word is used of younger children.  Those who would still be living under their parents roof, under their parents authority.  Scripture rarely does this, singling out children.  But Paul includes them here.  He pays attention to them.  They were in the room, wherever this letter was being read.  They were at the table.  No separate kids table in this gathering!  This is a Family.  Family worship.  Multi-generational.  No, it’s not as neat and tidy and slick.  Family can be a bit messy.  It requires some forbearance (and maybe a sponge… some windex).  But isn’t that good for our souls?  At HF we don’t have the budget or the volunteer base to maintain a separate ministry for all our kids during the main service, but if we did, would we even want to?  Including our children helps them understand that they are a part of this enterprise too.

Children.  Let’s think about this for a moment - what role do children have in the Bible?  For starters, it's the core thread of the Bible itself - A virgin will be with child - Immanuel.  God with us.  A child will be born to us - Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God.  The almighty King of the universe chose to enter our world as a child.  Salvation came to our world as a child.  Let that sink in for a moment.  The Creator took the form of the creature, not merely as a man, but as a child.  God was a baby.  God was an infant.  God was a toddler.  God was a preschooler.  God was a child.  Remarkably - yet not surprisingly, even as a child He understood He had to be about His Father’s business.

Children are included.  Kids are included in this family.  They’re included in God’s Word to the Ephesians, and they’re included in God’s plan for the nations.  Of course each of us has different seasons and different callings when it comes to children, but we need to understand God’s heart for children.  We forget what it’s like to be a child.  We grow up and forget how to play.  [A great exercise for remembering that every kid's love language is play - it was ours too at one time - is to read Calvin & Hobbes...]  As adults most of us we struggle to play.  We can also struggle to trust.  We struggle to forgive.  But don't children tend to naturally trust?  They tend to be naturally ready to forgive.  As grownups we develop these attitudes about life AND about children.  Safe to say, "out of sight out of mind" isn’t God’s idea of what is best for children.  God’s heart is inclined towards children.  Let the children come to Me, Jesus said.  Whoever receives a child in My Name receives Me.  Come to Me and trust in Me - like a child.

Matthew 18:1-4  At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.  Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

Luke 18:15-17  One day some parents brought their little children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But when the disciples saw this, they scolded the parents for bothering him.Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.”

Who’s the greatest?  The disciples didn’t get it.  It’s not me-first.  God levels the playing field. In God’s family,  we’re building up one another and laying our lives down for one another - including the children.  Humility is the currency of heaven.  It is proper perspective of self - in relation to God.  He is so infinitely higher, so disproportionally greater, as to completely level the field.  No one is better than anyone else in God’s economy.  In God’s family.  We are all just spiritual beggars looking for bread.  And we share what we have with the entire family.  With those who may be physically weaker.  Or slower.  Or less educated.  God’s heart is for such as these - for children.  And for all those who are more vulnerable.  Become like children, He says.  [5.1] - Be imitators of God - like beloved children.

But so, speaking TO children, Paul says, children be obeying your parents.  What muddies the water is that for all their wonderful qualities, children have a lot to learn AND their anti-instinct is to disobey.  We come out of the womb wired to disobey [Calvin of course illustrates this perfectly].  We bow up.  Nobody needs to teach us to disobey - in fact, God's commands show us we fall short and His lifelong heart reclamation project for each of us is to teach us to obey - to obey Him.  To choose what He wants over what we want.  

Phase one of this great reclamation project is that He gives us parents.  Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  The root of the Greek word children here means to give birth.  We’re talking about offspring.  Parents then are those whom the Lord has sovereignly given to you and me to raise us in the instruction of the Lord.  God gave us our parents for a reason.  For a season.  Sadly, what happens is that on top of our anti-instinct to disobey, as we enter adolescence, we also begin to disrespect.  We begin to question authority.  Our parents authority.  Proverbs 1.8-9 My son, listen to your father’s advice.  Don’t turn away from your mother’s teaching.  What they teach you will be like a beautiful crown on your head.  It will be like a chain to decorate your neck.

Unlike the others Paul is addressing in this passage (wives/husbands/slaves), children here actually have a unique opportunity to follow in the footsteps of Jesus.  Jesus was never married, or a slave - but he was a child in the home of Joseph and Mary.  And even though He knew that He was the very Son of God, He subjected Himself to these earthly parents.

Luke 2:51 And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them; and His mother treasured all these things in her heart.

At some point, when He reached adulthood, Jesus came out from under their direct authority.  But even then He continued to honor His parents.  What was the last item of business Jesus took care of before He died?  He took care of His mom.

John 19.26 When Jesus then saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He *said to His mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then He *said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” From that hour the disciple took her into his own household.

Children, be obeying your parents.  There is a promise here - that it may go well with you - and that promise is still active!  Watch out for a heart that wants to get out from under their authority prematurely.  Watch out for a heart that would dishonor them.  And the beautiful thing is that yes, the Lord can and does create spiritual parent-child relationships during the course of our lives.  He gave Timothy and Paul to one another.  The Lord brings others into our lives who help us to follow Jesus.  Be as children we need to rank ourselves under our parents.  Even if/when they’re flawed… 

Now, dads, he says, do not provoke your children to anger.  Most commentators say moms are included, but Paul specifically says dads.  What makes kids angry?  Obviously they want to get their own way - but that’s not what Paul is thinking about here.  Children are very flexible, resilient, very forgiving.  Consider this.  What is it that fosters kids who grow up to be angry adults?  There are A LOT of angry people in our world today - like the Dude Perfect Rage monster!  Road rage.  Anyone who works retail or customer service has experienced it.  Where is all this anger coming from?  There's one huge source: Daddy wounds.  Dads.  Sons of Adam.  Silent.  Passive.  Or absent.  Too busy.  Or too wounded ourselves to be able to engage with our kids.  Shut down.  Or angry.  Abusive.  Sometimes, dads, we ride our kids too hard.  And when we mess up, maybe we burned some bridges, we’re too ready to reject responsibility.  It’s not my fault.  I’m not gonna apologize.

Children want and need time w their dad.  With our heart.  With our time.  Nourish them, Paul says.  It’s a really unfortunate translation - “Bring them up”.  It’s the same word in 5.29 - “no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.”  Dads nourish their kids.  We feed their souls in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.  Train them.  Warn them.  Correct them in love when necessary, yes - but find the balance.  Don’t wear them out.  And make sure that they know you care, that you love them.  Tell them that.  Demonstrate it.  My own dad showed us this constantly as he pretty much did almost everything around the house after my parents divorced and all us kids lived with him.

Dads - according to this, you & I are responsible for helping our children learn about the Lord.  We don’t leave this up to the church.  To the so-called paid professionals (or volunteers).  And yeah, it is difficult to lead others to places where we haven’t been ourselves.  Might need to get up earlier, dad.  We might need to get ourselves home.  Or get out of that chair.  I don’t think our kids need more time with some screen or some stranger.  They need us.  Dads, we need to learn how to say, I love you.  Dads we need to learn how to say, I’m sorry.  And more than anything dads need to help their kids learn about Jesus.  Moms too.  Take the initiative in the power of the Holy Spirit and leave the results up to God.

It’s not too late, dads.  Never too late to humble ourselves before the Lord, to admit we can’t do this.  That I DON’T got this.  To admit if (when) we mess up.  That apart from Jesus, we can’t do this.  And yes, it might require some humility.  Eating some humble pie from time to time.  It might mean asking for help.  Which we hate to do - I get it.  We hate asking for help.  We hate asking for directions.  I got this.  Never too late to apologize and ask for forgiveness.  Never too late to man up and take responsibility, to trust the Lord to help you nourish your kids and help them learn about Jesus.  Never too late to trust the Lord to rebuild a bridge.  Never.  And if you need help, don’t be afraid to ask…

Ephesians 5.21-33 - “Oxpeckers to the rescue!”

Ephesians 5:22-33   

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.  So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.  FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.  Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Tick live off their hosts, but give nothing in return.  Except a disease.  These are considered parasites.  Oxpeckers also live off their hosts - but they actually benefit their hosts at the same time.  This is called mutualism.

So we took a couple of weeks to look at the verse which slides right into this next section.  Be subjecting yourselves to one another.  This is an outflow of the filling of the Holy Spirit.  Be ranking yourselves under one another.  In the fear of Christ.  All y’all.  A level playing field.  Not because of who or what we are, but because of Who He is.  There ARE positions of human authority, but nobody is better than anyone else.  No matter your education or ethnicity or economics.  Or gender.  And we talked about the need for trust.  And humility.  And surrender.  Ultimately to the Lord.  But in ranking ourselves under one another we are giving life-authority to each other, permission to speak into our lives, into our choices.  Truthing in love.

And if we're honest, we admit that we don’t always like to do that.  It’s hard on the ego.  It takes work.  People are messy.  Plus we are the progeny of rebels.  But God’s plan for the nations begins with a family, a family-blessing family - the church, a bunch of mutually-subjected rebelholics - and this family is comprised of families.  BACK in the beginning, God CREATED a family.  Male and female He CREATED them, joined them together, one flesh, life-partners, perfectly paired for one another, a partnership.  Be fruitful and multiply.  Subdue the earth.  Bless the nations.  And these families (some of them at least) come together in God's family to bring this promise of blessing to fruition.

There are many segments of our society which bow up against the idea of God as Creator.  Questioning His authority. Questioning His Word. Did God really say that? Distorting the truth.

2Timothy 3:15 …from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. 16 All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; 17 so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.

2Peter 3:15 and regard the patience of our Lord as salvation; just as also our beloved brother Paul, according to the wisdom given him, wrote to you, 16 as also in all his letters, speaking in them of these things, in which are some things hard to understand, which the untaught and unstable distort, as they do also the rest of the Scriptures, to their own destruction.

Matthew 5:18 “For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the Law until all is accomplished.”

God has been speaking to the sons and daughters of Adam for millenia.  And He has something to say to us today.  The passage we’re about to look at today has something to say to us today.  There are those who choke on what Paul is saying here - I think many times they’re not open or patient enough to take a deeper look.  There are others who will simply ignore the passage.  Teach around it.  But I think this passage is a critical part of what the Lord was trying to say to this 1st century assembly - and it is so for us too.  Today, there is an ongoing struggle to understand and represent and carry out God’s plan for marriage, this God-ordained God-designed relationship which forms the foundation for the family-blessing families which are to carry God’s goodness and the Good News of Christ, to all the families of the earth.  God’s inspired Word gives us a blueprint - and when we take the time to try and understand it, I think we find that it is not quite so repressive and victorian as the skeptics would make it seem.  And we find an unfathomable… [now is a good time to read the passage if you haven't already...]

What do you notice?  10 times Paul specifically refers to the relationship between Christ and the church.  His church.  His bride.  And the deeper truth Paul is telling us here is that there is a mystery in play in marriage.  An unfathomable mystery.  In God’s divine design, marriage between a man and a woman gives the world a glimpse of a heavenly reality.  Marriage gives the world a glimpse of the relationship between Christ and His church.  Or should.  

Remember God’s commands which protect and provide for us also show us where we fall short.  Some of our (anti)instincts.  Last week we took a look back at the garden - we saw that the wife wanted her own way.  She wanted to run out in front of her husband.  And the consequences were devastating.  In marriage, woman’s (anti)instinct is to dominate.  

The husband - what was he doing?  Nothing.  We see him being passive, silent.  It’s a perfectly devastating pairing.  Then when he finally speaks, he is rejecting responsibility.  Shedding it like a bad coat.  Not only is he NOT protecting his woman from the serpent, from the inevitable deadly consequences of transgression, when it comes time to pay the piper he throws his wife under the bus!  In marriage, man’s (anti)instinct is to save himself.  Even at the expense of others.  Irresponsible.  He might even be an abuser.  “He will rule over you…”

So, understanding these (anti)instincts, Paul now devotes three verses to the woman, and eight to the man.  And I would suggest, v 21 is prerequisite.  If you don’t mind I’d like to skip forward to the longer portion, and then come back.  I’d like to look at what Paul is saying to the husbands first.  Genesis 2.23  The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman [ishshah], because she was taken out of Man [ish].”

This is a close and intimate relationship that Adam could not find apart from one who shared his own station and nature.  Shared his own life.  Which she did, of course, because she was made not out of the dust like Adam but directly from the stuff of Adam himself.  It reflect’s God’s desire to provide man with a companion who would be his lifelong intellectual and physical (and spiritual) counterpart.

So, husbands: be loving your wives.  Constantly.  God’s perfectly prepared partner for you.  As Christ loved the church.  Men get a present tense command (and it's mentioned FOUR TIMES in this section…) - so keep on doing it, keep on doing it, constantly, keep on loving your wives, every day.  Give yourself up for her, as Christ loved the church and gave up Himself for her.  Which is aorist tense, a simple completed action in the past.  What did He do?  To which simple act is Paul referring?  Jesus died.  He took the nails. 

So, men - take the nails.  Take the bullet.  Stop the buck.  Be her rescuer every day, just like Jesus.  Don’t throw her under the bus - grab her out of the path of the bus - and if needed you get run over.  Or maybe you carry her onto the bus.  Not because she can’t walk - she is perfectly capable.  [1Peter 3:7   “…show (your wife) honor as a co-heir of the grace of life…”].  You are not showing her need for you.  Husbands demonstrate Christ’s provision for us.  Our need for Christ.  The love of Christ.  You are giving the world - and your wife - a picture of Jesus.

Sadly, I think many of us men, we sort of pull out the stops when we’re dating, and get our bride to the altar where we say “I do”, and then we sort of don’t.  We begin to slack off on laying down our lives.  We sort of fall into this cultural rut that turns our life partner into something little better than a servant.  But marriage begins with Christ.  And what did He do?  He emptied Himself.  He laid aside His rights, His wants, and stepped out of the comfy confines of His glorious abode and came down to this stinky smelly broken planet - to serve, to give Himself up and lay down His life for His bride.  He took the nails.  The nails which were headed in our direction - He said, uh uh.  Not today.  Not ever.  I got this.

Nourish and cherish.  Nourish and cherish.  Just as Christ does the church.  How does Christ do that actually?  How does He feel about His bride, would you say?  What does He do for His bride?  He wants for His bride to be presented in all her glory.  Having no spot or wrinkle.  Holy and blameless.  What does that look like, Adam?  Let’s be less like ticks and more like oxpeckers.  Husband - what will it look like for you to take the nails for your wife today?  This week?  This year?  What will it look like for you to step up and lay down your life for your wife this year?

And then we see Paul saying, wives, humbly rank yourself under your husbands.  As to the Lord.  This is not saying that your husband is not better than you.  God does not love him any more than you.  But in this amazing God-ordained partnership, you defer to your husband.  Wives, be subjecting yourselves to your husbands.  Be respecting them.  Be ranking yourselves under them.  As to the Lord.  We are all subjecting ourselves to Christ first and to one another in fear of Christ, but Paul is telling the wives to specifically do this in relation to their husbands.  Don’t dominate, don't run out in front of them.  And be assured that you are in no way showing your inferiority to any man.  Wives demonstrate the superiority and trustworthiness of Christ.

Submit and respect.  I know that is not ‘PC’, not what women want to hear.  Even some men.  Respect your husbands, God says.  I know, that man maybe doesn’t deserve respect.  Guess what - that’s not even the word in the Greek.  The bar is higher.  The word is phobeo.  Where we get our English word, phobia.  97x this verb appears in the NT, and always, every single time it is rendered fear, afraid, terrified, frighten.  Every single instance but one - this verse, where the translators decided they needed to translate phobeo as ‘respect’.  Linguists actually do create a second meaning for this verb, rendering it as to revere, venerate, treat with utmost deference and reverential obedience.  Which is precisely how people are to relate to the God of heaven.  Now I relate to a real God or king or master with real fear not merely because I am "supposed to" or because they deserve it but also because they can take me out.  There is real fear in that mix.  I may be convinced of their love for me, that they care about me and would never intentionally do anything to harm or unjustly punish me, thus I have the whole love-casting-out-fear thing, but the fact remains that by virtue of their position and/or power, they do instill fear in me at a certain level.  And yet here, in this one instance, we have translators (unnecessarily) carving out a diluted lower level of reverence for how wives should relate to their husbands.  Mere respect.  A feeling of admiration.  Regard for the man’s feelings or wishes.  Realizing that they are important and should be treated in an appropriate way.  But that is not quite the same as fear or reverence.  Even the word ‘revere’ comes from the latin and is an intensified form of ‘to fear’.  This dumbing down of this word by modern translators, is this a nod to modern-day cultural pressure?  Is it because wives find it hard to fear/reverence their husbands, or perhaps they somehow don’t have to anymore?  Because I don’t see a separate dumbed-down level for how husbands should love their wives.  Yes, it is impossible (humanly-speaking), but that in no way lowers the bar.  

Obviously the fear in this case does not derive from any position of supreme power or ownership of the man over the woman.  The fear and reverence in this case is ultimately of the Lord Himself.  As to the Lord.  It derives from the opportunity given to the woman to display how the church relates to Christ.  It is not at all about the man or what he does or whether or not he has earned the right to be deeply and fearfully respected.  Wives, you must consider well how to relate to your husband with reverence, with fear, as to Christ…!  But let’s be honest, if your man is taking the nails and bullets for you, if he is loving you and laying down his life for you, for your progress in holiness, how difficult is it going to be to relate to him out of reverence for Christ?  v.21 is key!

And let's keep in mind that, for all of us, male and female, our (anti)instinct is me-first.  We are more like ticks than oxpeckers.  What’s in it for me?  We should be able to rank ourselves under the one who lays down their life for us, shouldn’t we?  We should be able to trust them.  Entrust our well-being to them, trusting that they have our best interests at heart?  And do they always?  Jesus does, yes, but He is perfect, isn’t He?  What about on the earthly level?  When Paul and Peter tell us to be subjecting ourselves to the king (or boss or parent or husband or each other), is there an asterisk behind that command?  Is there an escape clause which says we get some leeway when the person isn’t perfect?  Let’s be honest, we all struggle even to surrender and give the Lord the authority in our lives, and He is the perfect Savior.  He laid down His life for us, He took the nails, and we still have trouble giving Him the authority He deserves in our life.  In marriage - as in life - we subject (wives) and lay down our lives (husbands) because it gives the world a picture of the reality of Christ - AND because it is good for our hearts.

Our society says, throw off the despot!  There’s been a long train of abuses and usurpations! Pursuit of happiness!  Really?  Now I don’t think we stay in a home that’s dangerous - but is there hope for your marriage?  Is anything too difficult for the Lord?  I’m afraid what we have, however, in too many a home is a broken vicious cycle of un-selfless tired husbands saving themselves, being un-reverenced and disrespected and domineered by their wives.  So he sacrifices less and less and she respects less and less and the cycle continues unbroken, marriages breaking apart on the rocky shores of Cape Self.  That's where the problem begins, when you bring two imperfect instinctively-tick-ish people into such close proximity to one another.  Plus, on top of that, life is just hard.  There are no guarantees.  Wealth is certainly no guarantee.  For-better-or-worse can (and eventually does) take a turn for the worse.  Poorer can easily replace richer.  Sickness invariably replaces health.  And the world says, just pull the plug.  But church, the stakes are high, as high as the heavens above, and the world is dying for a glimpse of something (and Someone) better.  Take a good long hard look at how you fit (or don't) into these verses, and then take a better longer harder look at Jesus and ask Him, beg Him, trust Him to transform your marriage, to transform YOU, the way you live and relate to the spouse HE GAVE YOU (or perhaps will give you!), into a clearer picture of His design for how Biblical marriage between a man and a woman should show off the glorious relationship between Him and His bride, the Church.  And you better be willing to ask for help…

1Corinthians 11:11-12 

However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God.

Practical question: How is that we can build and strengthen these relationships…?  How can we forge marriages that increasingly show off the relationship of Christ with His bride?

A few ideas as we close... First and foremost, walk in the power of the Holy Spirit.  Cuz this stuff is impossible without His divine enabling.  Keep common interests.  Do things together, NOT just with the kids.  And NOT just in front of the tv.  Go out together.  Have a meal together.  Serve together.  Jump into a small group together.  Pray together.  Keep short accounts and long fuses, and be ready to apologize AND forgive.  Get off that device.  Go to bed at the same time.

All things are through Him.  And all things are for Him.  To show off how truly breathtaking He is.  Make it so, Lord Jesus

Ephesians 5:21 - “The Subject (and Object) of Subjection”

Ephesians 5:21 ...and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

Paul has just given us this command, to be filled with - constantly surrendered to and empowered by - the Holy Spirit.  And we talked last week about how we do this - by faith.  We walk with Christ the same way we come to know Him to begin with.  But how do we know if we’re really filled with the Spirit?  How do we know?  We can expect to see some of His fruit.  The fruit of the Spirit. [Jn 15.8]  And like any fruit tree, the more mature the tree, the more fruit you will see.  A tree that’s only been in the ground a couple of years normally won’t have as much fruit as a tree that has been in the ground for many.  So there will be fruit.  Fruit of the Light - v. 9 (all goodness & righteousness & truth).  And Paul mentions several other things in this section.  They’re signs of His filling (fruit), but also commands, connected to the primary command here to be filled with the Spirit.  So, as we saw last week, there is this speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs.  And there is this singing in our hearts to the Lord, and there is this always giving thanks to the Father.  A life of joyful grateful celebration!  And the 4th sign/command is, be subjecting ourselves to one another.  We should see it, and we should do it.  But let's set that up first...

So, we know we’re walking in the fulness of the Spirit of Christ as we see fruit.  You will know them by their fruit, He said.  Now there is another way we know that we’re filled with the Spirit.  The assurance of faith.  Hebrews 11.1 - faith is what?  The assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.  We don’t see the Spirit coming physically onto us.  It’s not typically a visual physical thing.  But here’s the thing - if God commands something which really only He can do, then we know for sure that He wants it for us, and we know that if we ask then He will do it.  [1Jn 5.14-15]  Does God wants us to be filled with His Spirit?  Controlled and empowered by the Holy Spirit?  And Whose job is it to do the filling?  Our job is to ask.  To surrender.  And then to believe.  Faith.  We receive Christ by faith.  We are filled with the Spirit by faith.  We walk by faith, not by sight.  We don’t always see it physically.  But with the eyes of faith, we take hold of the promises.  We are assured and convinced of them.

So you and I get up in the morning, and we ask (and then trust) the Lord to fill us with His Spirit.  With a surrendered heart.  But what if you do that, and you don’t feel any different?  This is where we need to remember that faith is not a feeling.  Feelings come and go.  They may be based on circumstances, what I ate for dinner, how I slept last night.  Feelings change.  But God never changes.  His Word never changes. [the old train illustration reminds us that the train that is our life is not pulled by the caboose of feelings but rather by the engine of what is true and we put the fuel of our faith not in the caboose of our feelings but rather in the true fact of God and His Word].  And it is not about how much faith I have.  What makes faith work is not how much I have, it’s where I put it.  The object of my faith.  [A broken down passenger van is not a safe means of travel no matter how much faith I have]  The object of my faith makes all the difference.  How much faith do we really need?  No more than a tiny mustard seed - IF we put it in the right place.  We put our trust in the Lord.  With all our heart.  And so I can know for sure with the assurance of faith that when I ask the Lord in faith to fill me with His Spirit with a surrendered heart, that He will do it.  It doesn’t matter how I feel.  Well, feelings do matter, but they are not the final word.  God’s Word is the final word - we trust in Him and in what He says, not in our feelings.  It doesn’t depend on how I feel.  And so we know we’re filled with the Spirit by faith, AND by His fruit in our lives.  And if there’s not much fruit, I need the Lord to search my heart…

Now at this point it serves us to remember that when the King of the Universe gives us a command, He does so for very good reasons.  He is our loving Father, and He wants what is best for us.  When God gives us a command, we can know for sure that He either wants to protect us or provide for us.  Both, actually.  God always wants to protect us and provide for us.  And the ultimate outcome of living in to what He wants of course is that the world will see how good He is as we follow Him.  But there is another reason He gives us commands.  Often times the things He tells us to do are things which our flesh is reluctant to do.  The things He tells us not to do are things which our flesh is rather prone to do.  He doesn’t need to tell us to breathe, for example.  We do that naturally.  He doesn’t need to tell us to eat, or to drink, or sleep, or go to the bathroom.  We do that naturally.  Usually.  But how about love?  Love the Lord with all your heart?  Love your neighbor as yourself?  So, me-not-first but me-second or even third (or last).  That typically is not a native instinct of our flesh.  He has to tell us because the instinct isn’t in us.  The Lord gives us these commands as instructions on how to live, on how to rise above our fallen nature.  They reflect what He is like.  SO it is with all these commands Paul is giving to these Ephesians which relate to loving one another.  Loving one another is not a native instinct of our flesh.  We don’t always know how to do that, what it should look like - AND we don’t always want to do it.  Our flesh isn’t wired for it.  Nor do we even have the strength to generate it, much less sustain it.  I’m not saying it is always our first choice to NOT love one another, but when there is a command, we need to be asking this question of, how's that working out for me?  We need to be on the lookout for ways that our flesh is influencing us to NOT do what God wants.

With all this in mind we want to drill down on this 4th sign/command associated with the filling of the Spirit.  Subjecting yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ.  The passage ostensibly reads like this: “You all who have trusted in God’s great and glorious Savior Jesus Christ, who He has blessed and brought into His forever family, joined together: you need to be guarding the oneness which the Spirit is forging between you, and so, you all be flowing together what God wants, and be constantly filled with the Spirit, subjecting yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ.”  There is/ought to be this mutual subjection between believers.  This is an overflow, it is an expected outcome of Christ-followers who are tapping into the heart of God and the mighty power of His Spirit.  The word means to rank under.  To rank under.  

This idea of subjection - sometimes there is no choice in the matter.  Sometimes this is done forcibly.

Romans 8:20 

For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it…

Luke 10:17   

The seventy returned with joy, saying, “Lord, even the demons are subject to us in Your name.”

But when this ranking under is done freely, it is an act of humility.  It is what Jesus did with his parents - he lived in subjection to them. 

Luke 2:51 And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them; and His mother treasured all these things in her heart.

I suppose we could ask, did Jesus have a choice?  Do you think that was hard for Him?  The eternal Son of God?  He was tempted in all ways as we are, it says.  Yet without sin.  He never gave into temptation.  Do you think He was ever tempted to NOT rank Himself under Joseph and Mary?  I’m not saying He ever dwelt on the thought, but do you think the thought ever crossed His mind?  A fiery arrow of temptation from the enemy?  Kids - what is our fleshy instinct when it comes to our parents?  Is our instinct to always be under their authority?  There is a reason God tells children to honor our mother and father - multiple reasons (we’ll talk about this in a few weeks).  And one of them is that our fallen instinct is to NOT honor our parents.  Jesus chose to rank Himself under His parents.  What makes it all the more amazing is that He was the Son of God.  And He knew it.  Yet He emptied and lowered Himself…

Subjection is a question of authority. 

Romans 8:7 …the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so…

Subjection begins with a mind and a heart which subjects itself to God’s authority - to His law, and to what He wants.  Is God God?  Am I willing to acknowledge that He is the supreme ruler of THE universe, and make Him the supreme ruler of MY universe?  Am I willing to rank myself under Him, to walk in surrender to what He wants?  I can tell you - if you cannot answer yes to that question, then this section in Ephesians is quite likely to trip you up.  If it hasn’t already.

1Corinthians 15:27-28 

For HE HAS PUT ALL THINGS IN SUBJECTION UNDER HIS FEET. But when He says, “All things are put in subjection,” it is evident that He is excepted who put all things in subjection to Him.  When all things are subjected to Him, then the Son Himself also will be subjected to the One who subjected all things to Him, so that God may be all in all.

Romans 13:1   

Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.

Why are we told to be in subjection to governing authorities?  Ultimately?

Subjection is a matter of surrender.  The surrender which we are able to show to parents, to governing authorities, the surrender which we show to one another in the body of Christ flows out of a heart which is walking in surrender to Christ.  Similarly, lack of surrender, unwillingness to surrender, to rank ourselves under, I would suggest, indicates a lack of surrender to Christ.  And this is the salient point - we don’t rank ourselves under these fellow humans because they are somehow better or more awesome or important than we are.  They don’t outrank us in God’s eyes.  HE however should outrank us in OUR eyes.  Be subject to one another IN THE FEAR OF CHRIST, Paul says.  We rank ourselves under these others not because of who they are but because of Who He is.  Because we fear and reverence Him.  He is awesome.  He is better.  He is not safe.  It all begins and ends here.  “…so that God may be all in all…”  And HE puts some in authority over us - He gives authority to them to speak into our lives and our wants.  Our job is to rank ourselves under those whom He has so designated - because it’s good for our hearts, and more importantly it honors the Lord, His ultimate authority.  It shows off His greatness.

One reason we are unwilling to rank ourselves under any other is that we operate under the impression that we - more than anyone else - have our best interests at heart.  We know best. We know that WE want what’s best for us - a life free of difficulty and inconvenience.  At least we think we know best.  And we hesitate to trust, to entrust ourselves and our best interests to anyone else - even to the God Who formed us and Who gave His only Son to die for us.  But can we trust the person who lays down their life for us?  That they care about us and have our best interests at heart?

I think we also need to be mindful of the heart of rebellion which is the legacy handed down to us as sons/daughters of Adam/Eve, and even as descendants of those who founded this country or who have embraced its values.  We are the progeny of rebels.  The first couple rebelled against the Lord.  They chose NOT to rank themselves under Him.  And our founding fathers who threw off the king, they chose not to remain in subjection to the king.  We have to admit, that is certainly part of the warp and woof of the fabric of this country.  Don’t get me wrong - I am truly grateful to be a citizen of these United States, indebted and so thankful for the sacrifices that have been made to secure the blessings of liberty which we enjoy today and every day in this country.  But not everyone was in favor of throwing off the king back in the day.  There were many who thought doing so was morally wrong.  It was a radical minority which advocated the violent throwing off of the shackles of monarchy.

1Peter 2:13   Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority… 17 Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.

Think about it - who was king when Peter and Paul were writing these things?  Rome.  Caesar.  What kind of a king was he?  My point being, as citizens of this land of the free and home of the brave, we are perhaps more prone to resist this idea of surrender, of subjecting ourselves to anyone.  The president.  The king.  Even God Himself.

Have you noticed the disrespect and the vitriol which has issued forth in mass quantities in recent years - from both sides, even from God’s people?  I think it’s heartbreaking.  Are we as God’s people free to speak out about injustice?  Certainly.  Are we obligated to obey what God tells us to do if/when the king is telling us to do something different?  Of course.

But this returns us to our text today.  Subjecting ourselves to one another.  In other words, ranking ourselves under one another, and giving one another permission (authority) to speak into our lives.  Our choices.  Our wants.  I give you permission to speak truth in love to me and you do likewise.  Nobody is better than anyone else.  There is this mutual submission, this mutual dependence and deference, journeying together in humility, as brothers and sisters, beloved children of God.  This fosters relationships of caring.  Encouragement to walk in surrender.  And again, it doesn’t flourish in 18 inches of pew for 60 minutes once a week.  It happens best in a circle.  Are you experiencing this kind of relationship in the body?  Maybe you ought to jump into a small group.  Sunday school, or better one of these small groups…Paul is exhorting these believers in Ephesus - and us with them - to be ranking ourselves under one another, walking in humility towards one another with hearts surrendered to the Lord.  In the fear of Christ.  So, not because who we are or aren’t but because of who He is.  

Paul is picturing the glorious bride of Christ, the church, showing off the breathtaking goodness of God for all to see, shining the Light in the darkness - loving one another, making every effort to guard the oneness the Spirit is producing in our midst, growing the body, truthing and building up one another in love - knowing that the Church, this forever family, God’s family, is God’s primary means of bringing the nations to Himself.  In God’s grand design He has arranged it such that the mission, the Great Commission goes forward on the beautiful feet of the church.  He has given us the Gospel, the Good News.  We are that city on a hill.  He has poured out His Spirit in our hearts.  And He has given us gifts, gifts which He expects us to use to build up the church.

Remember, the Lord’s design is to use all these gifts He has given to the members of Christ’s body to construct one huge fishing net.  By which He will use us to fish for men, God’s great rescue mission.  There’s this work of service - we are all serving somehow.  Every part has a part.  There’s this unity of the faith.  Our faith as much as anything is characterized by this unfathomable unity.  Breaking down dividing lines of culture and color and class and status and gender.  People who would otherwise never hang out together.  People who in earthly terms perhaps have very little if anything in common - but in Christ, we are made one.  We are family.  By this, all people will know you are My disciples, if you love one another.  Brothers and sisters in Christ.  And this family is forever.  It’s for keeps!

We’ll take a deeper dive on how this plays out in marriage next week…  For now, we embrace our need for one another.  Our mandate to love one another (and not simply give lip service to that by sitting in a pew once a week).  We embrace our need for the fulness of the Spirit, to be controlled and empowered by Him.  And we rank ourselves under one another - but we do it for Christ.  In His power.  So that He may be all in all…