"Nevertheless, you also, the [ones] according to [the] individual, each their own woman thus be loving as himself, but the woman in order that she may be fearing the man.’
-Even tho the union between Christ and His church is somewhat difficult to understand, that between a man and a woman is rather straightforward, so Paul restates and summarizes his main two points here.
-The man is to thus love his wife as himself. It is a relatively easy task to love oneself. But to show the same kind of care and preferential treatment to another human being? The key word here is 'thus'. Thus, as in the way Christ loved and continues to love and will always love us. He humbled Himself, made it all not about Him, and took the nails, dying to self, serving His bride till His very last breath. And then He rose up out of the grave to continue to do the very same thing. THUS is the man to love his wife. Rise up out of that chair, off of that couch, away from that screen. Love and cherish and nourish her. Unconditionally. Everlastingly. Amazingly. Without strings or pre-conditions, without tiring, without end. Husband-love is not merely get the woman to the altar, wed her and bed her and then just go to work all day to provide her with a certain standard of living. It is giving away yourself, all that you are, giving all that you have to nourish and cherish and protect your wife, every day of every year until death do you part. Whether or not she deserves it. Yes, it is humanly impossible. Yes, you and I and all God's married-male-people are gonna fall short of that again and again. But that’s no excuse, husband. Man up and look to the Savior, the One Who lives inside you and is at the ready to supply all the power you and I need to love with His love.
-And the woman, the woman is actually to fear her husband. I know that is not ‘PC’, that is not what women and even many men want to hear, but that is the verb in the Greek - phobeo, where we get our English word, phobia. The verb appears 96 times in the NT, and always, every single time it is rendered fear, afraid, terrify, frighten, put to flight. Every single instance but one - this verse, where the translators decided they needed to translate phobeo as ‘respect’. Linguists actually do create a secondary meaning for this verb, classifying it to mean to revere, venerate, treat with utmost deference and reverential obedience. This is precisely how people are to relate to the God of heaven. But you relate to a god or a king or a master with circumspect and reverential fear not merely because you are supposed to or because they deserve that but also because they can take you out. There is fear in that mix. You may be convinced of their love for you, that they care about you and would never do anything to harm or unjustly punish you, thus you have the whole love-casting-out-fear thing, but the fact remains by virtue of their position and/or power, they should instill fear in you at a certain level. And yet we have the translators carving out a diluted lower level of reverence for how the wives should relate to their husbands. Mere respect. A "feeling of admiration". Regard for the man’s feelings or wishes. Realizing that they are important and should be treated in an appropriate way. But it is not quite the same as fear or reverence. Even the word ‘revere’ comes from the Latin and is an intensified form of ‘to fear’. This dumbing down of this word by the translators, is this a nod to modern-day cultural pressure? Is it because the wives are unable to fear/reverence their husbands, or because they somehow don’t have to? Because I don’t see a separate dumbed-down level for how husbands should love their wives. Yes, it is impossible, but that in no way lowers the bar. Now obviously the fear in this case does not derive from a position of supreme power or ownership of the man over the woman. The fear and reverence in this case is ultimately of the Lord Himself. It derives from the opportunity given to the woman to display how the church should relate to Christ. It is not at all about the man or what he does or whether or not he has earned the right to be deeply and fearfully respected. Wives, you must consider well how to relate to your husband with reverence, with fear, as to Christ...!
-I'm afraid what we have, however, in too many a home is would-be wedded bliss being dashed by a vicious unending cycle of un-selfless tired husbands being un-reverenced and disrespected by their wives. So he sacrifices less and less and she respects less and less and the cycle continues unbroken, marriages breaking apart on the rocky shores of Cape Self. That's where the problem begins, when you bring two imperfect instinctively-selfish people into such close proximity to one another. And on top of that, life is hard. There are no guarantees. Wealth is certainly no guarantee. For-better-or-worse can (and eventually does) take a turn for the worse. Health invariably becomes sickness. But the stakes are high, as high as the heavens above, and the world is dying for a glimpse of something (and Someone) better. Take a good long hard look at how you fit (or don't) into this verse, and then take a better longer harder look at Jesus and ask Him, beg Him, trust Him to transform your marriage, the way you live and relate to the spouse HE GAVE YOU, into a clearer picture of His design for how Biblical marriage between a man and a woman can and should show off the glorious relationship between Him and His bride, the Church.
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